Kids A Great Source of Entertainment

Yesterday I went to my very first Elementary Christmas Performance for my own child. It was glorious, absolutely magical and I drank in every moment of it. I even cried at the end. I know, I know. But to redeem myself from my pathetic momminess, I did take some pretty outstanding pictures of other people's kids.

The first is Four G's red carpet "who wore it best?"...
30%
50% (I think the black boots are what boosted her above the rest).
15%
5%

Both these next 2 boys obviously borrowed something out of closets that weren't theirs...

His gay parents are very proud.

"oops! I did it again!" .... what's a hairbrush?
Hey kid! Leave it to Beaver called, he wants his style back!
....um whose kid is that?

If You Had To Describe Your Kids In Two Words....

Jacob: pensive and imaginative.

Samuel: Bold and independent

What would you say about yours?

Have You Seen This?

Oh my goodness. This may be the best thing since clap on clap off lights! Granted I would never feel comfortable using it on my front door, but holly crap! If Matt ever gets around to building a hideout for our boys, I am TOTALLY buying this thing! And if it's not for sale, well by golly, I'll knock my knuckles til they're bloody to get into this guys apartment and steal it! Probably won't be too hard. I'll just make up some crazy beat from a Lord of the Rings movie and walk in on him and his friends wearing long capes and elf ears. How do you say "can I borrow this?" in Elvish?

What Are Your Thoughts On This Quote?

This has always been one of my most favorite quotes. I've used it before on here but I'd like to bring it up again on it's own to hear some of your thoughts or personal experiences related to what C.S. Lewis is expressing.

“You can not in your present state understand eternity. But you can get some likeness of it if you say that both good and evil when they are full-grown become retrospective. All this earthly past will have been heaven to those who are saved and all their life on earth too will then be seen by the damned to have been hell. That is what mortals misunderstand. They say of some temporal suffering ‘no future bliss can make up for it.’ Not knowing that heaven once attained will work backwards and turn even that agony into a glory. And they say of some sinful pleasure let me have but this and I’ll take the consequences, little dreaming how damnation will spread back and back into their past and contaminate the pleasure of the sin. Both processes begin even before death. The good man’s past begins to change so that his forgiven sins and remembered sorrows take in the quality of heaven and the bad man’s past already conforms to his badness and is filled only with dreariness. And that is why at the end of all things when the sun rises here and twilight turns to blackness down there, the blessed will say we have never lived anywhere but in heaven. And the lost will say we were always in hell….and both will be right.”

Lets Start The Week Off Right...

...and what better way to do that than with a little Brian?



and of course, some of my favorite classics...

Talk About Your Easy Convenience...

Oh yes, that's a tub...and a toilet on this person's front porch. I snapped this picture coming home from a family bonfire at the lake. I just wonder, what kind of front porch sitt'n can we expect here? I wanna go back and put a magazine rack by the toilet.

Really?

About a year ago I went out to check the mail. In between the bills and the classifieds I found this little postcard from the Mayor of Helena explaining to the citizens that in the near future there would be a roundabout put in on the south side of town. On the postcard was an explanation of what a roundabout was and even a colored diagram of how to use it! I couldn’t believe it! I mean first off, I remember seeing my first roundabout in action when I was like 7 and now at age 26 my fellow citizens are opening up their mailboxes and discovering for the first time just what a roundabout even IS? I can just see the majority now…mouths agape…scratching their heads whilst they study it…maybe even taping it to their dashboard for quick future reference. Hilarious. I wanted to frame it, but I settled for putting it on my fridge. It’s wonderful, like reading the comics every time I reach in for my cereal milk.

I was interested to see how this was going to be accepted considering the fact that if there is something Montanans don’t do well… it’s change. I haven’t heard of any accidents yet but I wouldn’t be surprised to hear of a large reduction in traffic heading into the south side of town.

Anyway, last week they finally finished some retarded construction on the main street close to my house. I say retarded because the past two times they have done major construction on this road (which needs to be widened into a 4 lane road in a bad way) it always ends up looking the exact same way it was before they dug it all up. Just as I was beginning to suspect that 1.) the government must be desperate to put these people to work, tearing things up only to put things right back or 2.) no one knew what the hell they were doing, I suddenly realized that this time something WAS different! They had created a turning lane!

This is actually a very good and smart thing to have done. I was overjoyed because I have to cross eastbound traffic to go westbound towards Jake’s school every morning. Traffic is always terrible in the mornings so I was really ecstatic to put this turning lane to good use. But then again…..

The time came to use it. I pulled up to the road and when I could see that the oncoming traffic was easing up I crossed over and merged easily into the turning lane. Now all I had to do was wait for the opposite traffic to ease a little so I could merge right in! …… obviously not so easy. Apparently this is new for Helenans too because the westbound traffic suddenly SLAMMED on their brakes thinking I was a total crazy for moving out into the middle of the road!!! Not only did the lead lady slam on her brakes but she stopped COMPLETELY almost causing a 5-car pile up. Luckily everyone must have had their coffee that morning cause no one crashed but as I stubbornly stayed in the turning lane every car that passed by me HONKED at me!!! To which I screamed back “IT’S A TURNING LANE PEOPLE!!!” I couldn’t believe it! That Helena would be so far behind in the times that grown people would not even know how to use a turning lane. I thought maybe I just need to keep using it so that people get the general idea of what it’s for. Nope. Just more ignorant honking. Obviously Mayor Smith, we are going to need another colored postcard here. ASAP!

Simplify

I just want to say how much I have recently enjoyed focusing on the people in my life that are right here, right now. And I know I know that last week I was on the complete opposite end of the spectrum about loving people in general. Right now half of you are thinking…How did she get from “mommy wants Vodka” to “all things bright and beautiful?” …Did she actually get the Vodka?

But really, with so much to distract us from the present, it’s hard to stay attuned to the people actually around us sometimes. It’s almost a struggle these days to do that. Wait….it’s not LIKE a struggle…it IS a struggle!

Besides the fact that there are so many ways to stay in touch without ever speaking a word, it’s like just one more stick gets put on the camel’s back when they started inventing things like myspace, facebook and twitter. As if I don’t have enough trouble keeping in touch with my family, now I gotta stay up to speed with dear old Sally who was my best friend in kindergarten but moved away at the beginning of first grade!?? I really don’t care that she just got a new puppy and can’t get him house trained!

So a few years ago I stopped. I stopped doing anything that had to do with a computer and it literally felt like turning off a T.V. that was playing a bunch of loud static. All the sudden I could hear the doorbell ring! I could listen to my son talking to me….and actually HEAR what he had to say! Birds were chirping outside!!! It actually makes me think of that Carpenters song Close To You… “Why do birds suddenly appeeeear?”

I’m not saying that it’s bad to stay connected. Obviously I’m back on the computer now and I keep up two blogs, but I learned a long time ago, that was my limit as far as technology goes. I don’t do “connection sites,” I check my e-mail MAYBE once a week, I don’t have T.V., and I don’t play video games. They don’t interest me as much as real people do.

Some people can do it. Some people are amazingly talented and can be intensely connected to technology and it works for them. Like Bill Gates. Obviously he’s a millionaire from it. …And if I wanted to have a bad hair cut and wear plaid shirts under an Armani suit then I would try to be more like him.

I’ve learned whats best for me is the face to face, but I have to practically force myself to do it. I love to hear the sound of voice inflection and see facial expression. I love walking with people, crying with them, lol ing WITH them, hugging them! And when technology gets in the way of that I find myself not only becoming disconnected from the tangible reality, but not even liking the tangible reality! Because technology is easy. It’s easier to send an email than it is to call someone on the phone. It’s easier to wish your friend happy birthday on their facebook than it is to come to their house and give them a gift. And the saddest part of it all, is I would totally be the person who breaks up with someone via text if I let myself, why? Because it’s easier than having the courage to tell them to their face “it’s not me….it’s you.”

So I guess what I’m saying is, I can’t do it all and if something gotta to give….it’s gonna be Sally. Sorry Sally, but I free up so much time when I’m not reading about your puppy woes. I’ve decided that it’s ok NOT to be connected to everyone and only in touch with the people we can actually see everyday (plus family). Last week, one of my most favorite things was taking a whole hour to think, while I was getting ready for the day, about what I wanted to tell my friend in her birthday card that I was taking over to her that afternoon. I LOVED that. Knowing she’d get something in my own personal penmanship with a lot of thought behind it. It made me feel so CONNECTED to her.

You see and meet new people everyday. I am just really liking the idea that I am apart and involved with them so long as I can see them face to face at least once a month. Otherwise, my good memories and love for them remain, but I let them move on to the next people bound to touch their lives. And I release myself from any guilt for not knowing every detail of their current life.

It’s my way of internally simplifying. What are some of your ways?

Dear Stupid People of Helena,

You would not believe the kind of people I’ve had to deal with today. ABSOLUTELY incredible. I just can’t get over the absurdly low average IQ sometimes. Dense people! It’s almost a cruel joke of nature not to be able to bring it to your attention. The unbearable pain of possessing a sharp forked tongue capable of verbally chopping you and your idiotic ideas to pieces… only my conscience and common curticy (which is only one of the many droplets in the vast sea of things which sperates us) won’t give me the damn knife!

I’d tell you who you are purely to ensure that the mistake of breeding does not repeat itself….but you wouldn’t listen. I’d only end up with generations of stupider angrier versions of you, so I won’t waste my valuable energy. (And yes I am well aware of the irony in using the non-word “stupider” in that sentence.)

So, idiotic walmart person, oblivious cell phone girl on the freeway, teenage neighbor kids, and President Obama (you aren’t from Helena but we’ll make an exception today in light of your retarded healthcare plan), and everyone else who had the audacity to piss me off today, you all can point your finger at each other and take solace in the fact that “it couldn’t have been me! She must be talking about him.” That’s right, live in denial and procreate! That’s what this world really needs. Except you Obama, I’ve got my people working 24-7 on a little something I like to call permacondum and when it’s done the United States will thank me.

Thank heaven above for the invention of the speed bag. Otherwise I’d be spending a lot of money on anger management.

Never Mind

Deciding to go private was bitter sweet for me. I love it when people I've never met come and comment on our pages. It makes the world seem smaller. So I decided to put my family blog private and keep this one open cause it's more of a column and columns should be for anyone to read. So false alarm folks.

Today

I woke up to an alarm

I prayed

I sliced fresh strawberries atop of snap crackle and pop

I took first day of school pictures

I cried

I took the little man to school

I rode on a yellow school bus (tour)

I sat in a chair too small for me

I saw my son sit in a chair just his size

I cried

I swung on a metal swing set

I climbed a jungle gym

I did a summersault on a metal bar

I watched my boys play

I cried again

...three times. Not too bad. First real day of school is tomorrow though...

Letter To My Boys

To Jake and Sam,

I knew I always wanted to have children but you made me want to be a mom. To do mom things like decorate your room cowboy style and make you chaps to match. Like finding 10 extra minutes to explore the gloriousness of your little toes. Like taking the time in the early hours of the morning to appreciate how perfectly your bodies form against mine as we snuggle down in the blankets, as if my body was made to cuddle yours.

I love that you ask me to sing to you every night before you go to bed. I especially love that I have an entire song made up completely dedicated to The Power Rangers.

I love that you play “pretend.” That the world is a pirate ship to you or a tropical jungle back when dinosaurs roamed the earth. I wonder what it’s like sometimes to see the world through T-Rex’s eyes as you do. We all must look like tiny ants from way up there!

I love that you love each other. That when your father and I get upset with you over misbehavior that you give each other hugs of consolation. Sibling relationships will be the most important of your life.

I love that you love to be outside. That you enjoy nature even more than I do. That you expand your knowledge of the world by examining crickets up close in your tiny hands.

I am so looking forward to being your fulltime mom again so that I can spend every moment with you. If working fulltime has taught me anything, it’s that I want to be a mom. The old fashioned kind that gets up before everyone else does and wears an apron all day. Who makes cleaning fun like my sweet mother used to do by intertwining silly things into our “to do” list like go jump on the trampoline 10 times or go out and pet the horse.

I love and enjoy your company and the vibrancy of your imaginations. I am determined to be the best version of myself so that I can be the best mom for you.

All my love to you,

Mom

COPS

Why is it that when things go wrong...they go REALLY wrong and when things go right they go REALLY right? Why can't life just play me a happy medium?

Anyway, I am not going to complain about our most recent REALLY good and that was Matt getting on with the Helena PD. So bring on all the pig and doughnut jabs!

You've worked so hard for this Matt and I am so thankful for all you have done to get here. No one has been better prepared for this job than you. You could be anything you want but I can just see you excelling in this occupation so easily. You are smart and even tempered, you work well with people yet are fierce when you need to be. You have always had a sense of duty to your God, your family, your country, and your community. I'm just so thankful to be married to a man that our boys can look up to.

Ahg, I feel like we can finally take a deep breath and relax for a moment. In your honor I put my favorite song by The Police on here.

CONGRATULATIONS!!! I love you.

this week...

I'm beginning to appreciate the fact that sometimes the best opinions....are the ones left unshared.

Grateful

Yesterday, despite the stresses of our lives (which seem to be many these days) I sat back and reflected how I had seen the Lord's hand in my life. It was then that I was overwhelmingly grateful to be married to a man who continually finds the courage to stand for what he believes in, even against those perhaps he loves the most. To my shame, sometimes against me. Sometimes against family. Sometimes against people he's never met before. On a consistent basis I have witnessed him choose to be the change he wants to see in this world. And because he is imperfect I feel that is what makes him the most valuable because he's seen, as I have, what excitements sin can hold, yet he still strives to hold on to the changes he has made and do what is right.

Parents are correct when they say that their children "just won't listen." They don't....They watch. How grateful I am this day for the example Matt sets for our children and for me.

Why The Doc Gets A Bad Rep

Everywhere around the world at this specific moment and time, hundreds of kids are going through the same, all-time traumatic event in their lives. Kindergarten shots. I remember this day so well…..

My mom packed us all up in the car to go to the doctor. Not so bad I think. We play doctor all the time at my house with our play stethoscope. Camille checks my heart and I get a lollypop. Not a bad thing right? …. So, so wrong!

I remember distinctly sitting on a stool in the middle of a room all by myself with the nurse. There I was, minding my own business, looking away from her at all the great stuff they had in their office to get into when all the sudden I felt the shot go into my finger. My head whips around to see nothing in her hands and a stapler on the counter! I start screaming “SHE STAPLED MY FINGER! SHE STAPLED MY FINGER!!!”

It wasn’t till years later when I witnessed almost the exact same course of events with my friend Jolene, that I realized the nurses kept a small finger stabber (that’s the scientific name) in their lab coat pocket for blood samples. She slipped it out and right back in again before I even knew what was coming. And that was just the prick to get a blood sample, the shots hadn’t even come yet and I’m already in full FREAK out mode! In the end it took three nurses to hold me down.
…And everyone wonders why we have such an innate fear of doctors!! BECAUSE THEY HOLD YOU DOWN AND POKE YOU TIL YOU BLEED!

…Now of course I didn’t say that to my son when we got ready to go the other day. Can you imagine that? “Jake we are going to the doctor today and they are gonna hold you down and poke you til you bleed….but it will be ok.” Ha! This is why mothers are diplomats. I did however try to be as candid as possible. I told him where we were going and what was going to happen. I told him about the shots and that they would hurt a little but it would be for just a moment and then after he could pick out any toy he wanted in walmart, within reason…

He surprisingly was great with that and marched right into the doctor's office proclaiming loudly what he was there for and what he was going to get for it! I was so proud. Then the nurses bring in the shots and he looks at the tray…..and he looks at me…..and his eyes get big and all the sudden he is his mother’s son. He still sat there bravely for the first one just leaning away a little bit but unable to take his eyes off the shots, like a bug attracted to the light. But as soon as she broke skin he was screaming bloody murder! I had Sammy in my lap (not even thinking before hand that he might be scared from seeing this) so I set him down on the chair and he curls into the fetal position with his eyes shut tight and his hands over his little ears while I go to help the nurses.

Now heaven help me but we had to have the new nurse who was just giving her first set of children’s shots on my son. Yeeeeah. Luckily she still had her trainer in there with her who was talking her through it all but when Jake started screaming, she just froze like a deer in the headlights. Plus to top it off, he had worked himself up so much that his nose started to bleed, and my son is not given to nose bleeds so this was pretty traumatic for him. It was so sad.

But being the tough love mom that I am, I take the reins on this operation. I grab some tissue for Jake to hold up to his nose and force him to lie down. I use my arms and chest to pin the lower half of his body to the table and tell the trainer to brace his arm. Then I look up at the trainee whose shaking with the next shot in hand (3 more to go) and tell her to “JUST DO IT!”
She’s still kinda frozen like she doesn’t know if that’s the best idea and I feel like slapping her across the face and shaking her by the shoulders “PULL YOURSELF TOGETHER MAN!” I wondered for a moment if I looked cruel in her eyes. That maybe she thinks I should let him take a brake and calm down. But I know my son and I’m 100% positive that if I let him go, he would have run right out of there and neither hell nor high water would have stopped him. It’s best just to get it over with. So she does. And it is all over.

I scoop Jake up and hold him til he stops crying then scoop Sammy up in the other arm and walk out of there knowing full well I’m never going to get either of them to come back there without the crippling fear all coming back to them. We drove to Walmart which gave me time to finally unwind and let it all sink in. Having to hold my son down for all of that was so hard for me but I knew it had to be done. Before we went in I pulled Jake up into the driver seat with me and just held him and cried. I felt so bad. Poor kiddo. I can only hope that he won’t remember that day as well as I remember mine. I know he will though cause he holds up the toy dragon he got and recounts the story of how he earned it to anyone that will listen.

I KNOW you all have some great doctor stories....

Something Wicked This Way Comes....

I Suck At...

We spend so much time on these blogs making ourselves look good. “look at all the great things MY family does!” “Look at how great I look in this picture!” “Look at all my accomplishments!” Granted, we like to share the happy things in our lives. Someone once said that we only take pictures of the happy moments and that’s therefore what we document, but it all just gives me a head ache sometimes. So, in honor of my mood today, this blog is dedicated to my worst recent failure...

Last year I played softball for a team associated with my work. It was really fun but by the end of the season I remember saying to myself that I didn’t want to do it again next year for a few reasons. First, because it was a LONG season. The entire summer to be exact, and with a game every week it got a little old. Second, because I’d have a mini heart attack before each game just anticipating the pressures that come from others watching you and depending on you. ….oh, and also because I can’t play softball to save my life!

Sure I played in high school a couple years but I remember not liking it very much and half way into the third year I just had “too much on my plate” and quit. (Pssh! Whatever that means for a 16 year old. I probably just wasn’t getting enough mack time with my boyfriend. Ya know with all that school crap getting in the way). I remember slamming a homerun right out to center field one game and thinking…. “This is never gonna happen again. I’m totally quitting after this. Go out on an up note!” I’m such an optimist it kills me.

Anyway, back to the story. So after deciding definitely NOT to play again this year… I sign up to play again this year. Haha. Wow Amie, way to stick to your guns! I totally got suckered into playing though with a team from my church. …..they said “hey amie, come play,” and I said “um, ok.” …Aaaand this is why I have tons of Mary Kay makeup in my bathroom that I never use! I’m just a sucker for a sob story! Can you imagine what would have happened if they’d have said “amie, we really need you”? I probably would have sponsored the freaken team, with money I don’t have!

Anyway, as it turns out I’m thinking maybe I should have grown that backbone and said no because we SUCK. We lose EVERY GAME! And I’m sure you’re saying to yourselves “aww amie it can’t be THAT bad. These other teams must just know their stuff really well and practice. “ ….NOPE! They’re overweight office geeks, that are most of the time drunk off their asses, just happy to be out there doin something other than push that pencil. Ya….we suck. Wanna know the best part about it? …I play right field. Guess where they put the crappiest player on the team? Right field. Awesome. I’m like the lowest on the totem pole. No! LOWER! I’m like the stake in the ground that grounds the totem pole! It’s just so sad that all I can do is laugh about it. It really is ridiculous.

Whenever I start to get down about it I just keep thinking about what my good friend Joe Dirt says. “You can’t have ‘no’ in your heart.” … That and... there HAS to be a bottom somewhere right? There has to be someone out there that makes everyone else feel better about themselves. Someone they can compare to and say “ya, I missed a few out there, but at least I wasn’t picking dandy lions out with amie in right field!"

Everyone serves their purposes, and in softball…this must be mine, and I’ve accepted that much. But should there ever come a day that I don’t strike out and by some miracle hit one out of the park....well I’m gonna run myself right over home plate and then run myself right on outta there because that’s as good as it gets people!

I’d like you to take a moment just to share something that you aren’t so good at. I’m not saying we shouldn’t focus on the positive, I’m just sayin keep it real. Anything else is making me nauseous right now. My other blog included. In fact that’s probably why I haven’t posted much on that blog lately. I’m sure tomorrow I’ll feel differently. But I’m a woman! What more excuse do you need to be fickle? Besides, I think that sharing our realities can be very therapeutic. So…I SUCK at softball, most of the time my house is a mess, and my 3 year old son recently took a dump in our back yard in broad daylight! Ha! BEAT THAT!

Too Early For Rapists

So matt and I have been talking a lot about gun safety. Not only because if he gets hired on with the police force he will be carrying a gun even in civilian clothes, but because we’ve recently doubled our arsenal by looking after some guns for Matt’s brother. We talk about where’s the best place to keep them. How to teach our boys about them etc.

We also like to talk about a lot of “what if” situations to be prepared incase of an intruder in our home. Wheres the best place to position yourself. Which gun to grab. What to do if they have one of the boys. You know. FYI- don’t for any reason sneak into my home to surprise me. I’ve been taught to pull the trigger till there’s nothing left.
Anyway, talking about these scenarios, like we did last night, always gets me a little jumpy for a few days after. Prone to overreaction. It’s like watching a scary movie that you know is fake but when you’re taking the trash out that night you still run a little bit when you’re coming back inside.

Well this morning I’m home alone (Matt’s at work) and I’d just sent two rambunctious lion cubs, who like to practice their pouncing techniques on a sleeping mama lion, downstairs to watch some Popeye while I throw my hair up and go drag in a deer for them to gnaw on. My head is still on the pillow when the doorbell rings. My eyes pop wide and I freeze while quickly scanning in my head some wave of stupidity to schedule visiting teaching this early or watch someone’s kids for them…. Nope. Drawing a blank.

I kid you not the first sentence that pops into my head is….”Surely it’s too early for rapists.” ……This is why I don’t say most my thoughts aloud. But I’m in a jam because my little lions are bound to come up the stairs with feathers hanging out of their mouths cause I took too long with the deer, and then my intruder could easily tell someone was home. …..plus, the curiosity was killing me!

So I grab my 357 just as a precaution and creep towards the door. Through the peephole I can see that no one is there but there’s a big ‘ol bowl of candy on the front railing. “…damn robbers must have done their homework! How else would they know my weakness? Well I won’t fall for it! I won’t!” And just as I’m renewing my willpower my eye slams into the peephole cause someone is now banging on the backdoor and I jumped out of surprise!

That gave it away though because there’s only one person I know with the audacity to bang on all the doors of my house and shamelessly peak in all the windows to be SURE that no one is home… and that’s a eight year old neighbor boy named Jamie. Apparently he had made a May basket for Jake and wanted to give it to him before he left for school. Well, before any half-mast eyelid was even THINKING about school to be honest. Sigh.

Anyway, those were the events of my morning. No rapists or robbers today. Just an 8 year old boy without a brain. Later he and I are taking a trip to OZ to see about that.

Gossip

Every place I’ve worked has always had gossip. Always. Normally it doesn’t bother me but this job at the Mac Grill seems to be so much worse than usual. The servers especially tend to have the most difficulty keeping absurd juicy rumors to themselves. It’s actually quite humorous to watch them make a transformation from talking with a guest at their table. Refined, professional, dignified…..




To….




These girls are mort attractive than I see in my head but if you can imagine them 20 years older, snapping their gum in between pulls from a cigarette, you'd catch more my drift.

Every time they open their mouths to spread idle (and sometimes hurtful) gossip I get this image in my head. It’s so unattractive. What’s hilarious is when I catch myself participating in the same crap and I see myself in that same get up. It’s really a very effective method for breaking the habbit.

My New Favorite Band

I just found these guys and I'm pretty sure they are fairly new considering their touring is mostly local and they aren't backed by any huge labels yet. I have a feeling they are going to make it big time though!

For Laura

We still need matching posters.

Thanks Brent

I am proud to be a member of a church so inspired and focused on serving others.

Heidi Inspired

My cousin Heidi had this on her blog and I thought it was the most unique music video I've ever seen. And thats saying something with all the repetitive themes of music videos these days. No originality! This one was truly one of a kind in my eyes. Very well done!
Thanks Heidi!

Forced Anorexia

So I picked up this new job a few weeks ago working in the nursery at my gym just for a couple hours a week in the mornings. My shift runs right through lunchtime but not a problem, I think to myself. I’ll just bring lunch along with me. They have a microwave and a mini fridge after all. I’m sure people do it all the time! Even though there wasn’t any trace of food around. Humm...

Next day at work, everything’s is going according to plan. We get a little bit of a lul in business. Not that many kids, perfect time to break out some fettuccini in garlic cream sauce from the Mac Grill. I warm it up and give it a stir thinking how spoiled I am that my leftovers come from a nice restaurant and I didn’t have to cook. I dig in and take my first bite. Right as I’m about to swallow, little Will comes over with a river of thick green snot, oozing out both nostrils. The thickness and consistency of it is enough to make me loose my appetite mid-bite. I look away, choke down what I have (almost not making it) and grab a tissue. He’s off to play again but I know I won’t be able to look at my beautiful fettuccini alfredo until I can wipe that image from my mind. ….it’s been 2 week, and I can still see it plain as day.

Now I may not be the brightest bulb in the chandelier, but I learned my lesson enough to know that slimy stringy things for lunch aren’t going to work. So I pack a cold cut sandwich for the next day hoping I won’t run into anything unappealing that reminds me of ham on whole wheat. I didn’t. Phew! But as I’m eating, one of the little girls named Hanna asks if she can sit on my lap and read me her story. Sure I think. Whats the harm in that? …apparently her breath wasn’t within my range at the time for this little darling dear had THE most putrid smelling stench wafting out of her mouth that I have ever encountered. Like sour milk and throw up kinda mixed together. And in her moment of exuberant animation she literally spits one of the words at my face and all I can think is “IT’S ON ME!!! IT’S ON ME!” I smiled, scooped her off my lap, and as I scrubbed my face in the sink I sigh quietly to myself at the fact that if I ever have a little girl, I'll never be able to name her Hanna. The half eaten sandwich goes back in the ziplock where is stays for the rest of the day. Humm….no contact with children while eating….check.

I’m starting to see why there was no food in the fridge on my first day.

The next week, I forgo the thought of lunch altogether and think more along the lines of snacking til I get home. I search high and low for something… ANYTHING that is not wet and gooy. Cheddar Cheese fish crackers is what I decide is safe and I eat them while the kids are distracted with a movie. I focus intently on the cold hard steel of the building next door. Nothing soft or mooshy that would remind me of the 10 goopy noses I’ve already wiped today. But I’ve forgotten one more element. So easy, so obvious, the ultimate weapon at their disposal to ruin my desire for food altogether. It was in that moment when the potent certain smell of someone else’s poop came drifting into my nostrils that I gave up completely. I decided from that moment on that I would rather starve than eat anything at this place. No more planning or ideas…. because poop trumps all.

The Holy Bible....ugh.

I used to write more blogs like this, about spiritual things, when I first started. Lightly. But I’ve been spending a lot of time in the Bible these days studying our Savior’s life and ministry. I know there are a number of people who aren’t of my faith who read my blog so for you, I’m warning you now that there is no quick wit or good humor to find here today (sort of). Just some thoughts about scripture that I wanted to get on paper that I hope you’ll be interested in reading anyway.

These are just a few versus out of Matthew 5. I usually find no particular excitement in reading the Bible because… to be utterly honest… it bores me sometimes. But I think that’s because whenever I’ve tried to get through it, I start with Genesis. I’m pretty sure I’ve got Genesis memorized for all the times I’ve tried to read the Old Testament and never got past that first book before I awoke to uncrinkle the pages that had become imprinted on my face and wipe away the drool. Then I pick in up again, months later, and start at the beginning….again. So this time, I broke all the rules and started in the middle.

I like reading scripture and then trying to put in in everyday language. It makes it come to life and helps me make sense of all the old language. You may read these and think “you’re totally missing the point of that scripture!” But there can be many interpretations to one verse. I am merely sharing one of many that I liked. These verses aren’t in order either. I’ve never been one for order… just as my laundry room.

“Blessed are the poor in spirit for theirs in the kingdom of heaven.”
At first when I read this I thought “poor in spirit? Like…sad? …So I should go around moping, and then I get the kingdom? Well that doesn’t sound right!” And of course it isn’t. Poor in spirit refers to humility. And since my pride happens to be my number one nemesis, that makes the game a little more interesting.

“Blessed are the meek, for they shall inherit the earth.”
I thought I knew what meek meant until I read the reference for this specific verse. It describes it as gentle, forgiving and benevolent… but not only that. It also says that they are characterized as the humble who have suffered.
I think there are people in this life (myself included) who become jaded by life. But this verse plainly tells us that becoming hard and callused from the world is a choice. There ARE people who choose to be meek- and to me, from this definition, they deserve to inherit something huge like a planet! Because they aren’t described as someone who has had a fairly easy life. No, it’s talking about people who have suffered, yet still CHOOSE to be gentle, forgiving and benevolent. That says volumes about them.

“Blessed are the peacemakers for they shall be called the children of God.”
In the footnotes it says peacemaker is to be identified with contentment. Again I thought… what they heck? What does contentment have to do with peacemakers? Then I thought of it on a larger scale like nations at war. Why do we ever go to war? If you think about it, most of the time, it’s because someone somewhere isn’t content with what they have. They want more. More power, more money, more respect etc. And suddenly, they are willing to disrupt the peace to get it.
On a smaller scale, this scripture is for the individuals who are content with what they have, for they help keep the peace and are therefore truly worthy to be related to God through such an intimate title.

“Blessed are they that mourn for they shall be comforted.”
My first reaction to this verse was “…that’s it?” Everybody else in these versus get all these massive amazing gifts like inheriting kingdoms and worlds and titles …and all these guys get is a hug? ….this is why I have to really STUDY scripture. Otherwise, I wouldn’t stop to realize that it’s so much more than that.
I think about the times in my life when I’ve really suffered. Times in my life when I’ve watched people I love suffer. Suffer through things that I can’t help them with. Do you know what that’s like? Trying to help someone when you know there is nothing you can do? It’s in times like those that I am most thankful for this scripture because it gives me hope that even through the most sorrowful events, they will be comforted. We all can be comforted. And that’s no small gift.

“Blessed are the merciful, for they shall obtain mercy.”
This one strikes home for me. There are things I’ve done in my life that I’m not proud of. Things that deep down I feel like I haven’t been a whole person since because it’s created so much pain for others. I know I wouldn’t feel that way if I truly let the atonement do it’s job and that’s something I’m working on. But that’s why I love this verse so much, because in the meantime, I feel like there is something I can do to “regain points in heaven” and that’s be merciful to everyone else who crosses me. Maybe what this verse SHOULD mean to me (since I can’t think of anyone I hold malice for right now) is that I should be more merciful to myself as well. Humm…that’s food for thought.

More food for thought later! It’s time to get on with my day and stop trying to make sense of the world.