Sunday, June 14, 2009

Why The Doc Gets A Bad Rep

Everywhere around the world at this specific moment and time, hundreds of kids are going through the same, all-time traumatic event in their lives. Kindergarten shots. I remember this day so well…..

My mom packed us all up in the car to go to the doctor. Not so bad I think. We play doctor all the time at my house with our play stethoscope. Camille checks my heart and I get a lollypop. Not a bad thing right? …. So, so wrong!

I remember distinctly sitting on a stool in the middle of a room all by myself with the nurse. There I was, minding my own business, looking away from her at all the great stuff they had in their office to get into when all the sudden I felt the shot go into my finger. My head whips around to see nothing in her hands and a stapler on the counter! I start screaming “SHE STAPLED MY FINGER! SHE STAPLED MY FINGER!!!”

It wasn’t till years later when I witnessed almost the exact same course of events with my friend Jolene, that I realized the nurses kept a small finger stabber (that’s the scientific name) in their lab coat pocket for blood samples. She slipped it out and right back in again before I even knew what was coming. And that was just the prick to get a blood sample, the shots hadn’t even come yet and I’m already in full FREAK out mode! In the end it took three nurses to hold me down.
…And everyone wonders why we have such an innate fear of doctors!! BECAUSE THEY HOLD YOU DOWN AND POKE YOU TIL YOU BLEED!

…Now of course I didn’t say that to my son when we got ready to go the other day. Can you imagine that? “Jake we are going to the doctor today and they are gonna hold you down and poke you til you bleed….but it will be ok.” Ha! This is why mothers are diplomats. I did however try to be as candid as possible. I told him where we were going and what was going to happen. I told him about the shots and that they would hurt a little but it would be for just a moment and then after he could pick out any toy he wanted in walmart, within reason…

He surprisingly was great with that and marched right into the doctor's office proclaiming loudly what he was there for and what he was going to get for it! I was so proud. Then the nurses bring in the shots and he looks at the tray…..and he looks at me…..and his eyes get big and all the sudden he is his mother’s son. He still sat there bravely for the first one just leaning away a little bit but unable to take his eyes off the shots, like a bug attracted to the light. But as soon as she broke skin he was screaming bloody murder! I had Sammy in my lap (not even thinking before hand that he might be scared from seeing this) so I set him down on the chair and he curls into the fetal position with his eyes shut tight and his hands over his little ears while I go to help the nurses.

Now heaven help me but we had to have the new nurse who was just giving her first set of children’s shots on my son. Yeeeeah. Luckily she still had her trainer in there with her who was talking her through it all but when Jake started screaming, she just froze like a deer in the headlights. Plus to top it off, he had worked himself up so much that his nose started to bleed, and my son is not given to nose bleeds so this was pretty traumatic for him. It was so sad.

But being the tough love mom that I am, I take the reins on this operation. I grab some tissue for Jake to hold up to his nose and force him to lie down. I use my arms and chest to pin the lower half of his body to the table and tell the trainer to brace his arm. Then I look up at the trainee whose shaking with the next shot in hand (3 more to go) and tell her to “JUST DO IT!”
She’s still kinda frozen like she doesn’t know if that’s the best idea and I feel like slapping her across the face and shaking her by the shoulders “PULL YOURSELF TOGETHER MAN!” I wondered for a moment if I looked cruel in her eyes. That maybe she thinks I should let him take a brake and calm down. But I know my son and I’m 100% positive that if I let him go, he would have run right out of there and neither hell nor high water would have stopped him. It’s best just to get it over with. So she does. And it is all over.

I scoop Jake up and hold him til he stops crying then scoop Sammy up in the other arm and walk out of there knowing full well I’m never going to get either of them to come back there without the crippling fear all coming back to them. We drove to Walmart which gave me time to finally unwind and let it all sink in. Having to hold my son down for all of that was so hard for me but I knew it had to be done. Before we went in I pulled Jake up into the driver seat with me and just held him and cried. I felt so bad. Poor kiddo. I can only hope that he won’t remember that day as well as I remember mine. I know he will though cause he holds up the toy dragon he got and recounts the story of how he earned it to anyone that will listen.

I KNOW you all have some great doctor stories....

Something Wicked This Way Comes....

Wednesday, June 10, 2009

I Suck At...

We spend so much time on these blogs making ourselves look good. “look at all the great things MY family does!” “Look at how great I look in this picture!” “Look at all my accomplishments!” Granted, we like to share the happy things in our lives. Someone once said that we only take pictures of the happy moments and that’s therefore what we document, but it all just gives me a head ache sometimes. So, in honor of my mood today, this blog is dedicated to my worst recent failure...

Last year I played softball for a team associated with my work. It was really fun but by the end of the season I remember saying to myself that I didn’t want to do it again next year for a few reasons. First, because it was a LONG season. The entire summer to be exact, and with a game every week it got a little old. Second, because I’d have a mini heart attack before each game just anticipating the pressures that come from others watching you and depending on you. ….oh, and also because I can’t play softball to save my life!

Sure I played in high school a couple years but I remember not liking it very much and half way into the third year I just had “too much on my plate” and quit. (Pssh! Whatever that means for a 16 year old. I probably just wasn’t getting enough mack time with my boyfriend. Ya know with all that school crap getting in the way). I remember slamming a homerun right out to center field one game and thinking…. “This is never gonna happen again. I’m totally quitting after this. Go out on an up note!” I’m such an optimist it kills me.

Anyway, back to the story. So after deciding definitely NOT to play again this year… I sign up to play again this year. Haha. Wow Amie, way to stick to your guns! I totally got suckered into playing though with a team from my church. …..they said “hey amie, come play,” and I said “um, ok.” …Aaaand this is why I have tons of Mary Kay makeup in my bathroom that I never use! I’m just a sucker for a sob story! Can you imagine what would have happened if they’d have said “amie, we really need you”? I probably would have sponsored the freaken team, with money I don’t have!

Anyway, as it turns out I’m thinking maybe I should have grown that backbone and said no because we SUCK. We lose EVERY GAME! And I’m sure you’re saying to yourselves “aww amie it can’t be THAT bad. These other teams must just know their stuff really well and practice. “ ….NOPE! They’re overweight office geeks, that are most of the time drunk off their asses, just happy to be out there doin something other than push that pencil. Ya….we suck. Wanna know the best part about it? …I play right field. Guess where they put the crappiest player on the team? Right field. Awesome. I’m like the lowest on the totem pole. No! LOWER! I’m like the stake in the ground that grounds the totem pole! It’s just so sad that all I can do is laugh about it. It really is ridiculous.

Whenever I start to get down about it I just keep thinking about what my good friend Joe Dirt says. “You can’t have ‘no’ in your heart.” … That and... there HAS to be a bottom somewhere right? There has to be someone out there that makes everyone else feel better about themselves. Someone they can compare to and say “ya, I missed a few out there, but at least I wasn’t picking dandy lions out with amie in right field!"

Everyone serves their purposes, and in softball…this must be mine, and I’ve accepted that much. But should there ever come a day that I don’t strike out and by some miracle hit one out of the park....well I’m gonna run myself right over home plate and then run myself right on outta there because that’s as good as it gets people!

I’d like you to take a moment just to share something that you aren’t so good at. I’m not saying we shouldn’t focus on the positive, I’m just sayin keep it real. Anything else is making me nauseous right now. My other blog included. In fact that’s probably why I haven’t posted much on that blog lately. I’m sure tomorrow I’ll feel differently. But I’m a woman! What more excuse do you need to be fickle? Besides, I think that sharing our realities can be very therapeutic. So…I SUCK at softball, most of the time my house is a mess, and my 3 year old son recently took a dump in our back yard in broad daylight! Ha! BEAT THAT!