Monday, May 25, 2009

Too Early For Rapists

So matt and I have been talking a lot about gun safety. Not only because if he gets hired on with the police force he will be carrying a gun even in civilian clothes, but because we’ve recently doubled our arsenal by looking after some guns for Matt’s brother. We talk about where’s the best place to keep them. How to teach our boys about them etc.

We also like to talk about a lot of “what if” situations to be prepared incase of an intruder in our home. Wheres the best place to position yourself. Which gun to grab. What to do if they have one of the boys. You know. FYI- don’t for any reason sneak into my home to surprise me. I’ve been taught to pull the trigger till there’s nothing left.
Anyway, talking about these scenarios, like we did last night, always gets me a little jumpy for a few days after. Prone to overreaction. It’s like watching a scary movie that you know is fake but when you’re taking the trash out that night you still run a little bit when you’re coming back inside.

Well this morning I’m home alone (Matt’s at work) and I’d just sent two rambunctious lion cubs, who like to practice their pouncing techniques on a sleeping mama lion, downstairs to watch some Popeye while I throw my hair up and go drag in a deer for them to gnaw on. My head is still on the pillow when the doorbell rings. My eyes pop wide and I freeze while quickly scanning in my head some wave of stupidity to schedule visiting teaching this early or watch someone’s kids for them…. Nope. Drawing a blank.

I kid you not the first sentence that pops into my head is….”Surely it’s too early for rapists.” ……This is why I don’t say most my thoughts aloud. But I’m in a jam because my little lions are bound to come up the stairs with feathers hanging out of their mouths cause I took too long with the deer, and then my intruder could easily tell someone was home. …, the curiosity was killing me!

So I grab my 357 just as a precaution and creep towards the door. Through the peephole I can see that no one is there but there’s a big ‘ol bowl of candy on the front railing. “…damn robbers must have done their homework! How else would they know my weakness? Well I won’t fall for it! I won’t!” And just as I’m renewing my willpower my eye slams into the peephole cause someone is now banging on the backdoor and I jumped out of surprise!

That gave it away though because there’s only one person I know with the audacity to bang on all the doors of my house and shamelessly peak in all the windows to be SURE that no one is home… and that’s a eight year old neighbor boy named Jamie. Apparently he had made a May basket for Jake and wanted to give it to him before he left for school. Well, before any half-mast eyelid was even THINKING about school to be honest. Sigh.

Anyway, those were the events of my morning. No rapists or robbers today. Just an 8 year old boy without a brain. Later he and I are taking a trip to OZ to see about that.