My Girl

Today my baby girl is 1. Here are a few misconceptions I had about having a girl before she came:

Girls aren’t as squirmy.

Girls don’t get as dirty.

Girls are quieter.

Girls aren’t capable of having mood swings till they’re 12.

Girls don’t bite.

Things that I was absolutely right on about:

That I would love this little girl with all my heart. With a deep pinching kind of love that eventually consumes my whole heart with wrenching, sweet emotion.

Emily, you remind me what it’s like to be a little girl myself. Back when hugging my Heart to Heart Bear was considered a favorite pastime, talking walks down a country road to visit my best friend Joloene was the most important thing on my to-do list, and imagination trumped all. These memories remind me to have patience with all my children, whose current priorities should be something of the same. Carefree and untroubled.

As always, for me, music captures so perfectly how I feel about you and me. And every night with a whisper I sing these words in your ear as I rock you to sleep. Happy Birthday my darling.

(currently playing on playlist)

“I Never Saw Blue Like That Before” by Sawn Colvin.

Today I took a walk up the street

And picked a flower and climbed the hill

Above the lake

And secret thoughts were said aloud

We watched the faces in the clouds

Until the clouds had blown away

And were we ever somewhere else

You know, it's hard to say

And I never saw blue like that before

Across the sky

Around the world

You've given me all you have and more

And no one else has ever shown me how

To see the world the way I see it now

Oh, I, I never saw blue like that

I can't believe a month ago

I was alone, I didn't know you

I hadn't seen or heard you're name

And even now, I'm so amazed

It's like a dream, It's like a rainbow, it's like the rain

And somethings are the way they are

And words just can't explain

Cause I never saw blue like that before

Across the sky

Around the world

You've given me all you have and more

And no one else has ever shown me how

To see the world the way I see it now

Oh, I, I never saw blue like that before

And it feels like now,

And it feels always,

And it feels like coming home

I never saw blue like that before

Across the sky

Around the world

You've given me all you have and more

And no one else has ever shown me how

To see the world the way I see it now

Oh, I, I never saw blue like that before

Oh, I, I never saw blue like that

Stupid Stupid Stupid!

**WARNEING: Spoiler alert for those hoping to read The Hunger Games. Although I would save myself the letdown and do something more constructive with your time...like watch paint dry.

That may seem like a juvenile title but as far as bad language goes, in my house I may as well have said a swear word. And it’s directed at you Suzanne Collins. You and your stupid trilogy of mind-bending books, The Hunger Games.

Alright, lets not get ahead of ourselves, shall we? And give credit where credit is due? You rocked in the middle of the story! I will be the first to admit that although it took me a while to warm up to your storyline of children being forced to kill each other in the beginning, by the middle, I was HOOKED! Loved it. Loved the dynamics of the games, personalities of all the characters, loved the whole love triangle thing you had going on with Peeta, Gale and Katniss. You described everything so perfectly!

But what I want to know is, what happened at the end? It was like the last hundred pages you all the sudden realized that you had a deadline to meet and hastened to tell us a mediocre and depressing end. It was literally painful and disappointing to read. Like seeing a gifted young scientist bring the overused model of the planets in orbit to the National Science Fair. What happened??

You spent all that time building us up for two main things…the capture of the capital and for Katniss to decide between Gale and Peeta. Then you mention the overthrow of the Capital almost like an after thought, and made Katniss go insane (literally) and choose Peeta basically by default! Not to meantion the fact that Gale, her best friend in the whole wide world, who always has her back, never comes back to see her? But deserts her for some plush job with the government, whom he hates? I wanted her to choose Peeta, but not like that! Horrible horrible horrible!

I finished reading the final book while on the bike at the gym and was so upset on my drive back home that I had to make up an alternate ending and explain the complicated dynamics to my 11 month old daughter, who didn’t understand a word, but knows I’m brilliant. Never mind I had to keep working the words “patty cake” in there so she would clap.

I never thought I’d say this after finishing this series but Suzanne Collins, you disappoint me. I appreciate your struggle to be an innovative author and think outside the box to continually surprise your readers, but your ending does not match the personalities you’ve painted for your characters. Not by a long shot. Besides the fact that it’s depressing! How often do people actually end up with everything they’ve wanted in life? We are continually thwarted by reality in our efforts for a happily ever after, the least you can do is give it to us in fiction! Badly done Suzanne Collins. I think you have great potential to be a wonderful author but this one was badly done.

You have my full support and promise to purchase should you decide to rewrite the last book.

Real Life On S.W.A.T.

When Matt came home from work one day and told me he wanted to join the S.W.A.T. team, my honest reaction was “Hot!” I thought it would be so cool to be married to someone so badass (course, he didn’t need the S.W.A.T. team for that).

After weeks of scenario training and long days at the shooting range, the rose still never lost it’s bloom. The idea just got more attractive if anything.

…Then last night he didn’t come home after work. I waited up for a while and then finally went to bed thinking he was just working a long case. Finally at about 3:45am I got a text from my friend letting me know that her husband was called out for S.W.A.T. earlier that morning and that’s where my husband was too. I was relieved to know that he was ok and then immediately fearful. I didn’t know the circumstances he was called out for. I didn’t know how it was going or when he would be home. Suddenly this S.W.A.T. thing wasn’t so cool anymore.

So, I’ve been up since 4 am, wide awake trying to keep my mind from going to the dark side. It’s 9:17am now and I’ve learned little about the case. Only that it was a hold up at a gas station. There was a hostage that has since been let go. Only one solitary man with a gun locked inside a building is what stands between me and snuggling with my honey on a cold rainy Saturday morning.

When I would get mad as a teenager I used to tell my mom “It’s my life! My choices don’t effect anyone else but me!” So naïve. I sit with my three kids at home now wondering if this man realizes how many life’s he is effecting with these choices.

The suspense is almost more than I can take. I can only presume that no news is good news. I’m trying to distract myself but thoughts of Matt are never far from my mind. The driveway doesn’t go more than 5 minutes without being checked for a glimpse of his truck.

And we wait.

** Update: 11:31 am. Still no call. Matt has been up for 27 hours now and I worry about him staying awake and alert. I feel more confident as the hours pass though for some reason. Well, I know the reason. Heavenly Father is helping me feel his calming influence. I know that Matt is a careful methodical man who knows what he is doing and how to handle himself. I'm confident everything will turn out fine. ....At least for the good guys.

Follow the story at www.helenair.com

**Update: 12:24pm Finally! A call from Matt. It was the first he could get through. Everyone is ok and the stand-off is over. They had to go in and get the guy so I'm sure there will be a fun story posted by Matt on our family blog soon about how it was from his point of view.

See what I mean? Not so great. Maybe when he tells me the story of how it all went down and I forget how worried I was, I'll think S.W.A.T is cool again. ....I'm not holding my breath.

Let Conference Begin!!

No matter who you are or what religion you belong to, if you are a woman, Elder Uchtdorf's talk at the end of this broadcast is for you. It felt like a warm blanket draped over my heart to ease my everyday worries and concerns.

If you like what you've heard, please tune in with the rest of us this saturday and sunday for a world wide General Conference at www.lds.org.

Neighborhood Baseball

I know I haven't posted a lot lately. I THINK about it all the time but, I'm so busy! I will try and be better though. First and foremost, I left you last while training for Spokane to Sandpoint. It was a great success! We all met our personal times and I am so proud of our 12 man team for running 185 miles, continuous! To see pictures, go to my family bog: www.postums.blogspot.com. It's private but if you are a friend of the family and haven't received an invite yet, leave me your email in the comments and I can send you one.

Anyway, I mainly just wanted to post about last night. We had a bunch of friends over to play an informal game of softball and it was so much fun! We all have about a zillion kids each, so when we get together it's bound to be epic.

There really is nothing to compare to a good game of ball with your neighbors. I have fond memories of getting together on cool summer nights with all the Dehesa clan to play a game or two with wooden bats and sweatshirts for bases.

As we took the short walk from the ball field back to the house for some root beer floats (which if I were truly sticking to tradition, I would have made the root beer from scratch) I remember walking arm in arm with my Matt, the kids running excitedly ahead, a cool breeze to blow our hair back carrying with it a hint of fall. I felt so happy and content. I will really miss this farm house and all it's country charm.

Looking Back

The weather is getting hotter by the day here and for some unknown reason my box labeled “Amie’s Summer Clothes” has vanished into thin air. It probably fell off the truck somewhere between here and the old house where some bum picked it up. I can just see it now as he holds up my hot pink tankini to his chest “Hey Frank! You think this would look good on me?”

Anyway, wherever it is, it isn’t here. I did however come across my high school/ college bin and ended up spending much longer than I had expected sifting through its contents. Normally I close the lid the second I realize which box it is cause I know I’ll just get sucked in like the Bermuda Triangle. But my kids were in bed and my husband was off tinkering around with his motorcycle at his buddy’s so, I pulled up a 5 gallon bucket of food storage flour and had a nice walk down memory lane.

I was pleased to find as I flipped through old journals that I’d documented all the important things like the moment in time when I suddenly found out that the boy I’d loved since kindergarten was a horrific kisser. I remember it so clearly, home from college one summer, standing in the back of a dark movie theater while the credits rolled. All my little girl fantasies of a country house with a white picket fence and 10 kids were abruptly and vigorously drowned away by an unordinary amount of saliva that seemed to slosh from his mouth. It was definitely a “don’t call me, I’ll….never call you, ever” kind of ending.

My 10 year high school reunion was this last summer. I didn’t go. They’re all just pissing contests anyway and I think I had decided long ago that if I wasn’t being flown to the front doors of the school by private chopper in a sleek business suit and nervous minions fussing frantically about me then I wouldn’t go. Somehow pulling up in a minivan with 2 purses and a diaper bag slung over my shoulder, spit-up down one sleeve, just didn’t compare. Oh but I’d have the minions all right, making ME nervous, running around screaming profanities and uncouth truths.

“Mommy that lady’s FAT!”

“Oh Amie! Your children are… adorable.”

I feel bad about it all for a moment, and then I look back on all these pictures of my now husband and think, who cares what my unruly children are doing, look at my husband!! If high school reunions are about keeping up with the Joneses, then my Mr. Jones totally kicks your Mr. Jones butt!

The weirdest part is feeling like all these memories happened so long ago. So much has happened since then. I’m definitely not the same person that I was. I have different dreams for myself, different perspectives for sure. I read back in my journals of my current 16 year old travesties and wonder why I thought it was “soooo unfair that my mom wouldn’t let me go to that party!” It ALL seems so trivial to me now.

Then I wonder, when I’m 50 and I’m reading back in my journals from today, will I think my worries are all so trivial now too? Will I laugh when I read about $3.75 gas prices and stresses of having small children? Of course I will! Cause gas is gonna be like 6 bucks a gallon by then and my babies will all be having their own babies (maybe)!

It kind of all helps put it into perspective. So I want you to think about whats happening in your life right now. Things that just seem SO hard and take up SO much of your time. What are they? And how do you think you’ll see it 20 years from now? I’d love it if you feel comfortable sharing. I’m curious to hear.

In Training

Operation Smile 5k, completed! Next....

THIS.

I was invited to participate in this AWESOME race by some of my 3rd and 4th Ward girlfriends. I CANNOT wait! I'm taking any and all tips for endurance running and costume ideas since I will be competing in the costume portion of the race.

Our team is comprised of all young moms so our team name is "Run Like A Mother." Not as cool as my idea of "Trophy Wives," but still funny. I kinda want a costume that has to do with our name, even though the two don't have to correlate. I thought it would be funny if I got a bunch of baby dolls and strapped them all over myself while running (quintessential mom) but that would be too heavy to run a 5k in. I need something light weight and fantastic!

Any ideas?

Utah 5k

The fam and I are taking a trip down to Utah at the end of this month so I did a little research online and found a nice looking 5k run happening Saturday March 26th on a trail in Provo Canyon. Looks beautiful and fun! Nothing like running outside in the brisk cool spring air!

If you live in the area and want to join registration is inexpensive ($15) and supports a good cause. The Operation Smile 5k helps fund a program to perform surgeries on children born with cleft lips. To learn more click HERE.

Emily and I hope to see you on the trail!

You HAVE to see this!

This is what we do to entertain ourselves on a saturday night when dad is working. Sooo funny!

best chip clip song from azauss on Vimeo.

Credit Cards

Every year we get a tax return, and every year the majority of it is spent on one thing...credit card debt. January resolutions always inspire us to start all over again. Re-write the budget and stick to it, gosh darn it! Every year we keep the credit cards with the excuse that we NEED them in case of emergencies. Yet, in the past 5 years that we've had them....they have NEVER been used for emergencies. Never. They always end up being used for "wants." Wants that we couldn't afford but just had to have.

Well... NO MORE! We are breaking our ties with you, you unnecessary evil! Goodbye credit cards. I'm sure I'll miss you when I've spent all my money for the month and walk past those adorable pumps in Ross. But I will console myself with the idea that future tax returns will be mine and not yours. Had to post this pic with Emily in the background. She looks more upset than I do. Don't worry Emily, I'm taking drastic measures so you have money for college and a pretty white dress someday. Can't complain though really because there was enough leftover for me to buy something that I've wanted for years. Behold....the kitchenaid:

What are your plans for your tax return?