Now I know I talk a lot about my therapist (which btw, I saw him at a church function yesterday and almost called out “Hey Dr. Bean!” Haha!) but he really has some good points. From my last session I was expressing some concern over a certain matter that I have been quite impatient on resolving and he looked at me and said “and what if it doesn’t get resolved? What if THIS is how it is always going to be? For the rest of your life. …..What if this is as good as it gets?”
After getting lost in thought for an embarrassingly long time, I looked up at him and I could tell that he sensed a little bit of my despair. He then added, “if you knew ahead of time that this was going to be the best that it ever would be, would you have tried as hard on YOUR end to resolve the matter?”
The answer of course was no. In a physics class I took back in college (which I LOVED) my professor gave us some good advise along the same lines. It was around finals time and all of us wanted to know exactly what percentage of our overall class grade would fall under this last test. You see, because afterwards we were all going to pull out our calculators simultaneously and calculate (in a worse possible case scenario) how low we could score on the test and still get the final grade we hoped for. He looked back at us and said, “I’m not going to tell you. If I tell you and you calculate that number, that is what you are going to get on the test. I think you will all score higher without that number in your head.”
And so it was in this scenario for me. If I knew or calculated what the outcome would be before hand with this certain relationship, my mind would have relaxed a little bit so to speak and I wouldn’t have tried as hard.
So, I guess it’s good in the end that we aren’t all-knowing, future predicting geniuses. Who can expect more of you if you are trying as hard as you can? It really is a satisfying feeling and has brought much closure for me.
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3 comments:
I just want you to know that I love you and I think you are a great person! We have all been thru things in our life and have had to make the hard decision of weather to keep going and try harder or just throw in the towel! It doesn't really matter what the problem was or is.......It's always gonna be hard. I do love you and I am so glad to have you in my life....NO MATTER WHAT!!!
I think we as humans, just expect closure. It's the natural law of things. So I think we're a bit disappointed when it and if it never comes (which sometimes, sadly, it doesn't). I know how you feel. Don't despair, however. There are more important things in life like, should I wear yellow or not?! :)
Amers, your blog makes me see lines after I look at it--it's funny! Anyway, yeah, I agree with Megan...I am definitely an all-or-nothing closure-type person. I go to great lengths to tidily wrap things up in my life, at least so they meet MY standard of closure. And for good reason: I still, to this very day, have recurring dreams/nightmares about closing 2 specific relationships--I think I have replayed every possible scenario in my dreams over the past 14 and/or 7 years (respectively). I'm crazy like that. THAT is why no concern goes unresolved in my life if I can help it! :) But I digress...
Both examples you give here are awesome and true philosphies. But I think I would LIKE a fast-forward button so I could focus my energies in the appropriate places. But then of course, I would miss out on the miserable things that made me stronger and made me appreciate what I have now (see also, "The relationship right before Rich," Story of my life, volume 28). Love you, grrrl!
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