It was senior year….Prom. I capitalize the the P in prom cuz it's the most important and pinnacle time in a high school girl’s life. I mean this is THE MOMENT. Girls do crazy stuff for this night like wear 100 bobbie pins in their hair and give up their virginity. It’s like high school celeb night. I think our theme might have even had something to do with “the red carpet!” Everyone is gussied up in overpriced clothing that they’ll NEVER wear again, arriving in cars that aren’t theirs, painted and hair sprayed to the max! Unfortunately, I had just broken up with my long distance boyfriend (and date) and was in desperate need of someone to escort me.
Queue Ryan.
Ryan was a beautiful boy with a tinge of a “bad boy” persona. He even had a motorcycle! In high school! Who has a motorcycle in high school? He attended my church every once in a while with his inactive mother and brother (which just adds to his appeal don't you think, pulling up to CHURCH on a motorcycle!? Oh yeah.) He had to travel 45 minutes from another town to attend, which meant that he didn’t go to my high school and was therefore not coupled up already. I asked him to go and he said yes. Perfect!
Now maybe I should preface this by explaining that I grew up with a father who gave me a “talking to” every time I tried to open a door for myself. Call me pampered and antifeminist, but I have no problem with chivalry. In fact, I expected it. Which is probably where my problem began…
Since it was MY prom that we were going to, I offered to buy the bid (price of dinner and admission to the dance). In those days that amounted to two weeks worth of work at a 50s diner I was employed at in town. Thats two weeks of scrubbing deep fried crap off the floor and asking "you want fries with that?"
Still I felt I should tell him I would pay since I asked him. THAT conversation was definitely what I call a “no reach” moment. Ya know, when a guy goes to pay the bill at the end of the meal and the girl makes a reach for the check and he says “no no, I got this, but thanks for the reach.” Like I said, with Ryan there wasn’t even a twitch of the hand. But he was driving us to the dance in his dad’s sports car and he had big arms and a nice smile, so I forgave him.
Day of the Prom comes. My hairstylist step mom just finished perfecting my hair and make up and I’m dressed to impress. He pulls up to my house NOT in...
as promised. But in....
minus the surf board, wearing jeans and a t-shirt. …yeeeah. I don’t think he was seeing this night like I was. Most important night and not only were we going to be late now that we had to wait for him to get READY, but my hair was going to go from
to
Alright I say to myself. It’s gonna be ok. He goes in to change. Comes back out and we get ready to take a few pics for the whole boutonnière corsage thing. ….Only, he didn’t get me a corsage. All the men in my house just shake their heads in disappointment and look at me like “where did you find this loser?”
Somehow, we make it to the Prom, but it only took about half way through dinner for me to see that he was beautiful ,without a brain. Conversation was lacking….considerably. In fact, it as like learning a whole new meaning to the term “meathead.” I spent the rest of the meal silently chiding myself for not discovering this earlier. I must have been blinded by his good looks which, so far, were turning out to be his only strong point.
I might had been able to find solace in the comfort of my friends but unfortunately it was on this night I discovered just how much we had grown apart with all the time I had recently spent visiting my ex-boyfriend, dad, and sister who all lived in other towns. Plus they didn’t know my date and we already established that he was incapable of an intelligent exchange.
I’m feeling used, alone and bored in the middle of a slow dance on what should be the best night of my life and all the sudden, Ryan tries to kiss me!! Now, he may have been a fine-looking boy and I may have been a hormonal teenage girl interested in the opposite sex, but I certainly wasn’t THAT horney! I pulled the whole head-turn thing and he planted one on my check. I'm very proud of that moment but I was still feeling like I could identify with this girl..
I don't know who she is, but I LIKE her!
Finally we headed home and except for him trying to bum a dollar for soda and a few more kisses off me on the way, it didn’t get much worse.
The only highlight of that entire night was coming home and finding a corsage left for me on my pillow by my sister’s boyfriend who was one of the men to witness the horrible way that whole evening started.
So there you have it! The most horrible date I ever had. It could have been a lot worse, but it was bad enough for me. Lets hear one of yours!
ps- When I typed the word "prom" in google images, I got this picture:
Really? I mean REALLY? What is the world coming to?! I don't know whether to take her to the local brothel or return her to the gypsies! Common parents! Put your man pants on and tell your daughter to get dressed! Ain't no way I'd let her out of the house like that! Much less to Prom. This is one of the biggest reasons why chivalry is dead in the first place. Why would men work to get the hamburger when they can get the whole cow for free? See what I'm sayn?
Welp, look at the bright side though, if she hurrys on down to the corner she can earn a little gas money for her date!
12 comments:
LOL. That was hilarious. I would post my worst date for you, but it was with Mark, and his mother reads this blog... I will just tell you about it sometime.
awww booo for no freedom of speech on blogger! haha! jk I totally understand that one! In fact I did a post about how my family supplies an unusual amount of funny blog material, but I can't post it. It's best to keep friends with them instead of drive them away, right? :) Besides, then the unspoken law would be broken and they would be able to post all the stupid stuff I do too. hahaha!
Oh man Amie, that was a good one! Definitely a keeper for the record books, or at least a warning for future sons/grandsons. I miss hanging with your dad - he ALWAYS pulled out chairs, opened doors and acted like a man should...I consider myself a feminist, and part of that includes chivalry too.
My worst date ever...
Well first of all his name was Mike Nuts. Yup, Nuts. That should have sent me running for the hills right there. Second, I broke one of my own rules by going out with someone shorter than me. Not that this is a huge deal, but at the time I should have seen this as yet another red flag.
He picked me up and asked if I was hungry, so we went to a restaurant. Only to find that when it came time to order, he didn't get anything. Apparently he had eaten before the date, so he wasn't hungry. Yes, I sat there and ate nachos and a quesadilla in front of him while he happily watched me wipe the salsa from my chin.
And then the clincher....we went to see The Exorcist 20th Anniversary Edition. Now I pray that this is a movie you have never, nor will ever see. Your sister Jenn came home that night to find me in bed with the covers pulled up to my nose, the light still on, and Enya playing softly on the stereo. I literally thought Satan was coming for my soul.
Needless to say, not only did Mike Nuts NOT get a kiss, he did NOT have the pleasure of my company again. *shudders*
aaaaaaaahahahaha! Mike nuts! hahahahaha you could have just said that and it would have beaten my story. haha.
No, thankfully, I have not seen that movie. I do NOT do well with the scary ones. Even worse with the ones that look real enough to BE real! But I can see Jenn discovering you hiding under your covers after plain as day! That was the perfect description of how I would be. I probably would have made her sleep with me.
Good one meg,
Okay aimee---love the idea and your story....here's mine (Annie Rice). I have to write it because it needs an audience.
Mine was with a guy named Devin, kinda into him, kinda not. We were sophomores and he was one of the first guys to have his OWN truck.
One summer night, he took me driving out in the country. He asked me to sit by him on the bench seat which was "super cool." So I slid over. After a bit, he started feeling me up---his arm around my waist, hand on my right ta-ta. I freaked out! I was young, stupid, knew the Young Women lessons, but didn't know how I got in or how to get out of this position.
I silently said a prayer....please Heavenly Father, get me out of this situation and I'll forever choose the right. Just then--in an answer to a humble prayer- a deer walked out of the woods and Devin HIT IT! Obviously, the hand was removed and he got out to see blood everywhere and damage to his truck. He was so mad about the accident--the date ended and I went home.
I know---and can testify---a deer perished to protect my virtue.
At home, I practiced "NO's" for future boob grabbing.
The worst.
hahahaha! oh man this blog was SUCH a good idea! these are some of the funniest stories I have ever heard!
Such a great tale annie. I had no idea that you read my blog! So good to hear from you. If you send your email address to amiepost at ymail dot com I can put you on the list to see our family blog (it's private). It has to be the same email you use to log into blogger though.
I'm still silently chuckling to myself about your story. The only thing that would have made that story even more funny would have been if you had gotten out of the truck, knelt down by the animal and given your version of an indian prayer of thanks. hahaha, I would have loved to see the look on his perverted face for that!
If chivalry is dead, women killed it. That's what I say.
Interesting thread Amie, I'll give it a go . . .
I took a girl named Carol to my senior prom (I’d recently broke up with a girl from another high school and my mother insisted I take someone from my own high school), but if I'd known what Carol was REALLY like, I might've realized I was in WAY over my head.
Carol and I had a brief encounter during one of the many senior parties. I can recall her face and that perfume and we were alone in a boisterous crowd with the Go Go’s blaring in the background.
The events at that party inspired me to ask her to the prom. She certainly wasn’t a lock and I knew full well that that party was a blur to both of us. In fact, I thought she’d turn me down and wonder where I got the nerve to ask in the first place, but she didn’t. That surprised me and she would keep surprising me right through after-prom. [cue Van Halen’s ‘Panama’]
It was to be a double-date. My best friend and I rented a limo and we picked up each of our dates at their respective houses. Things seemed to progress “normally”. I went inside her house. Met her parents. We did the customary corsage/boutonniere exchange. Her parents took pictures. Normal.
We hopped in the limo and headed for prom, that is, till Carol insisted we “park” behind the ol’ elementary school and polish off the bottle of schnapps that she’d brought along. Not long afterwards, the date took on a different tone. Carol, was ravenous. She, apparently, was FAR MORE advanced in her backseat maneuvers than I was prepared to handle. In fact, most of the evening sounded like a swirly wet tornado to me, thanks to her tongue.
I liked Carol. I thought she was cute. She seemed nice...and sweet...and innocent...not that I was after innocence, but DAMN, I didn't expect to get mauled either. Holy crap that girl worked fast! I was an amateur compared to her. It was a complete role reversal. It was just bizarre. I spent most of the time defending myself (that sounds funny today). By the time it was all over, Carol was not pleased with my unwillingness to return her advances (hey, I was just a kid).
[Epilogue] I tried to explain my actions to her at our 10-year class reunion. Y'know, give her the "it wasn’t you, it was me," speech. Then she introduced me to her husband. He was much older than her. Quite frankly, he looked like a used-car salesman. Which didn’t make sense, because SHE looked absolutely stunning, like she was on her way to a Hollywood premier. Of course, typical me, when I got an opportunity to talk with her, my mind and tongue were not in unison.
But something about the whole scene was just wrong. I’m mean, besides my blundering. Yeah, she looked great, just like I figured she would. Just like I imagine all the women in my past would end up morphing into supermodels and discovering Mr. Perfect and, if by chance, I were to meet their successful husbands, I would realize why I was the one worth leaving, but this guy didn’t fit the image. In fact, the whole thing just seemed creepy. Like he was going to jump up and shout, “Ha! Got you, you idiot! I’m her father!” But, he didn’t. He just sat there and smiled at me, like he secretly peed in my beer.
hahahaha, schnapps in the back parking lot of the elementary school....classy! I don't know what's wrong with you rick! That could have been a night to remember! Losing your virginity to a half crazed future porn-star. Granted you could never bring her home to meet your mother and you'd never be able to give her that greasy comb over she apparently had always wanted.
Na, I'm proud of you. It takes a good guy to not take advantage of girl with a taste for things outside her age bracket. ....or should I say, let her take advantage of you. hahaha.
aimless--we are going over to Billings on Saturday to The Reef water park--wanna come? If not, we will be home for a late dinner (6:30pm, at least that's the plan). This is what our girls ahve been saving points ofr since Christmas, but it woudl be a huge bonus to come home to YOU or have you come with us! Whatever works , you are always welcome!!!!!!
Yes this is me on my knees begging you all to come to the Reef with us. I have tons of 1/2 price coupons and I will also hook you up with info on some second hand store locals in bozeman. If I have to I will earn points for both jake and sam. Please please please
Cindy: If chivalry is dead, it's not because women killed it, it's just that men have gotten lazy! ;)
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