This is a short blog to celebrate the fact that I felt I hit a milestone! Today was the most wonderfully difficult day I think I’ve had in a while. In fact I was just telling Matt the other night that things were going really well. So well, that it scared me a little. It seems in my life there is always a calm before a storm. I worried about when that storm would come and burst my happy little bubble...and today it did.
Today I ran into someone from my past that hurt me quite a bit. I wrote her a letter months ago of forgiveness but I’m ashamed to say that many a nasty thought has passed through my mind about this woman since then and I thought should I ever bump into her, one lined zingers and a couple swear words were locked and loaded (just kidding, I’m not a swearer really...I’m a lady!). But to my own astonishment, something wonderful happened instead. I stopped her, asked her how she was and gave hugs.
You know what was the best about that? I felt like I was that same on paper as I was in person. It was true! I had given forgiveness for something thats been really hard to let go of and STUCK BY IT!
Know whats even better than that? The way I feel right now. I feel FREE! Like a weight has been lifted that I didn’t even realize was dragging me down. It really makes you stop and think “Boy, our church leaders really DO know what they are talking about when they say forgive all.” After today I have gained new insight that the rewards from this are NOT for the receiver...but for the giver.
I’m sure that this storm is far from over. I’m sure there will be many more hailstorms of trials and thunder and lightening that lie ahead for the next little while but for right now all I can say to that is bring on the rain!
I want to take a moment and celebrate all our recent accomplishments! Big or small. You cleaned out your junk drawer, yay! You ran a marathon, lets hear about it! Tell me at least one thing that you did this past week that you are really happy about. Then I want you to stand up and do a little victory dance. Mine slightly resembles Elaine from Seinfeld...Pretty scary that I teach dance huh?
Get this Seinpost
12 comments:
Matt told me what happened and I must tell you...I AM SO FRICKEN PROUD OF YOU!!! I had to try really hard not to cry as Matt was telling me. How I love you and your strength. Amie...You Rock.
As for my hard thing.....I got a job (which you already knew about) and my Doctor put me on happy pills. I figured that after being sad and worried about nothing for almost 15 years it was time for a change. YAY LEXAPRO!
Aim I love you and I am proud of you and I got hugs anytime you need them. As for accomplishments we got some yeah! As many saturday's as I can I get out of bed and declare that day the day of accomplishment much to the shagrin of my wife. (My day of accomplishment and hers evidently dont mean the same thing) But anyway I digress. My major accomplishment lately is turning Melinstudio into a real studio. I got some secondhand studio strobes and got them working and actually have a studio now. So anytime you are interested in family portraits you know where to go it only costs a wheat montana cinnamon roll, and maybe a hug!!
I am crying right now trying to type as Ben cries for my soda. Okay so I gave it to him! I'm terrible! I just keep cleaning and cleaning thinking that will clean me but I can stop the tears. Maybe there will be a breakthough soon. My biggest accomplishment of this week has been enjoying my kids. Their cute little smiles and words inspire me. I didn't kill them this week. YAY!
Amie, I read this last night, but wanted to be awake when I wrote a comment. I went to bed feeling SO PROUD of you! First of all I can't believe you already had to do that--UGH!--but you DID IT! As I was reading, I felt total empathy because I have had that same experience a few times. It's such a miracle, and it works EVERY SINGLE TIME! As much as The Natural Man wants to hold on to the hurt, forgiveness is real and it's necessary. I think it's so poignant that Elder Faust's last talk was about Forgiveness and what a sweet message to end with.
I think you're right about it being for the giver, but it's always great to receive it, too. ;)
As for me, my accomplishment of the week was balancing the old me with the new me. For instance, I went to a baby shower and socialized and told the truth about how I was feeling. At the baby shower, I offerend to give another shower for a friend who is new here and nobody has offered yet. BUT, before I left, I asked others to help and we divvyed up assignments. Voila! No more control freak! Also, I had a vision of how Halloween day would go (as usual), but only about 50% of it happened (because my energy rarely matches my ambition these days). And guess what? I DIDN'T EVEN CARE! I seriously would start to get rushed and stressed out (which I can't let myself do anymore because my tachycardia goes bonkers and I refuse to start beta-blockers), and I would say to myself, "The world will keep turning...breathe, breathe," and I simmah'ed down nah!
Also, today I peeled, chopped, steamed, pureed and packaged three butternut squash and one head of broccoli to sneak into my kids' food, ala Jessica Seinfeld. AND IT WORKED--Tonight (like most Friday nights) we had homemade pizza, but the sauce was half tomato, half butternut squash puree! My girls are going to be superheroes! ;) I have Jessica's cookbook coming from Amazon--wanna borrow it so you can make broccoli brownies, too? :)
I super-love you!!!
My small accomplishment I just finished is the dishes. It seems like I only ever get half of them done, but then that second half just keeps mocking me... and tonight I buckled down and did them all. And tomorrow it all starts again! I also am taking more walks with Emily now that the weather is cooling off and that has felt really great! I try to go a different way each time and critique the neighborhood yards, then stop by the park on the way back to push Emily in the swings. I can't believe she's big enough to swing now!! But she loves it- I'll post pics of her and Brady soon on my blog.
p.s. congrats on your forgiveness experience!
I'm having one of those days...the bring on the rain days...so maybe I shouldn't be commenting, or maybe I should? It might help.
A few months ago a little neighbor girl crashed her bike into the back of Mike's car. It left a dent, but nothing noticeable. I guess she finally got the guts to confront him about it a few days later. She was tearful, and promised to pay him for the damage, but he merely shrugged it off, and told her not to worry about it.
Later we were discussing it, and Mike made the comment that even though it was hard for her to tell us what she had done, the only person she would have harmed by NOT telling was HERSELF. Mike would have never noticed the dent, but she would have remembered it every time she saw his car parked outside. It would have eaten away at her, until eventually she would carry the burden of it around with her forever.
I'm proud of you for figuring out this simple, yet HARD life lesson. I still struggle with this one. I find my weapon of choice (zingers and bad words) is always cocked and loaded--I've never had much of a problem saying the perfect thing at the perfect time, but I usually ALWAYS regret it. Ah, the conundrum of having a sharp tongue. Anyways, I'm proud of you. Sounds like you've hit another milestone.
"I can't figure it all out tonight sir, so I'm just going to hang out with your daughter."
As for my achievement this week...Hmmm? Oh yes, Saturday I took a big pot of my famous homemade creamy chicken noodle soup to a sick family in our ward along with this AWESOME bread (that I drove all the way to Orem to get) from Great Harvest--it was white garlic cheddar. YUM. Yeah, I rock. What can I say? And this wasn't even a R.S. meal, I just thought of, and executed it all on my own. Yeah for me! *doing a dance*
Thanks Amie!
So proud of youdarliin'. That was couragous. You knew it would happen some time and now it is over. Whew! On to bigger and better things! Ah,The growth that is happening to you and your family. Wonderful!!!
I just tagged you to answer 6 facts about yourself!
I FINALLY finished painting the kitchen this week. It has been half painted for 3 months now. However, in my carelessness and hurry to just get it done, I got paint marks on the ceiling from the roller. So, anyone know how to get rid of those without having to paint the ceiling?? Uhhh! One home improvement project leading to another!!
I gave you an award..go look.
Love you.
I was patient and waited for all up my pictures to upload on my mom's dial up flippin slow internet and posted a blog after 3 months of hiatus. My award goes to myself for my patience!
And you my dear - lets just say I really don't think I could have done the same as you. But you did a very amazing thing....you put your kids first and yourself last and were bum bum bum....drum roll.......the best thing anyone could be.....a selfless wonderful mother! YOU RULE SISTA!
Interesting to know.
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