We still need matching posters.
Wednesday, March 25, 2009
Tuesday, March 17, 2009
Sunday, March 1, 2009
Heidi Inspired
My cousin Heidi had this on her blog and I thought it was the most unique music video I've ever seen. And thats saying something with all the repetitive themes of music videos these days. No originality! This one was truly one of a kind in my eyes. Very well done!
Thanks Heidi!
Thanks Heidi!
Monday, February 9, 2009
Forced Anorexia
So I picked up this new job a few weeks ago working in the nursery at my gym just for a couple hours a week in the mornings. My shift runs right through lunchtime but not a problem, I think to myself. I’ll just bring lunch along with me. They have a microwave and a mini fridge after all. I’m sure people do it all the time! Even though there wasn’t any trace of food around. Humm...
Next day at work, everything’s is going according to plan. We get a little bit of a lul in business. Not that many kids, perfect time to break out some fettuccini in garlic cream sauce from the Mac Grill. I warm it up and give it a stir thinking how spoiled I am that my leftovers come from a nice restaurant and I didn’t have to cook. I dig in and take my first bite. Right as I’m about to swallow, little Will comes over with a river of thick green snot, oozing out both nostrils. The thickness and consistency of it is enough to make me loose my appetite mid-bite. I look away, choke down what I have (almost not making it) and grab a tissue. He’s off to play again but I know I won’t be able to look at my beautiful fettuccini alfredo until I can wipe that image from my mind. ….it’s been 2 week, and I can still see it plain as day.
Now I may not be the brightest bulb in the chandelier, but I learned my lesson enough to know that slimy stringy things for lunch aren’t going to work. So I pack a cold cut sandwich for the next day hoping I won’t run into anything unappealing that reminds me of ham on whole wheat. I didn’t. Phew! But as I’m eating, one of the little girls named Hanna asks if she can sit on my lap and read me her story. Sure I think. Whats the harm in that? …apparently her breath wasn’t within my range at the time for this little darling dear had THE most putrid smelling stench wafting out of her mouth that I have ever encountered. Like sour milk and throw up kinda mixed together. And in her moment of exuberant animation she literally spits one of the words at my face and all I can think is “IT’S ON ME!!! IT’S ON ME!” I smiled, scooped her off my lap, and as I scrubbed my face in the sink I sigh quietly to myself at the fact that if I ever have a little girl, I'll never be able to name her Hanna. The half eaten sandwich goes back in the ziplock where is stays for the rest of the day. Humm….no contact with children while eating….check.
I’m starting to see why there was no food in the fridge on my first day.
The next week, I forgo the thought of lunch altogether and think more along the lines of snacking til I get home. I search high and low for something… ANYTHING that is not wet and gooy. Cheddar Cheese fish crackers is what I decide is safe and I eat them while the kids are distracted with a movie. I focus intently on the cold hard steel of the building next door. Nothing soft or mooshy that would remind me of the 10 goopy noses I’ve already wiped today. But I’ve forgotten one more element. So easy, so obvious, the ultimate weapon at their disposal to ruin my desire for food altogether. It was in that moment when the potent certain smell of someone else’s poop came drifting into my nostrils that I gave up completely. I decided from that moment on that I would rather starve than eat anything at this place. No more planning or ideas…. because poop trumps all.
Sunday, January 25, 2009
The Holy Bible....ugh.
I used to write more blogs like this, about spiritual things, when I first started. Lightly. But I’ve been spending a lot of time in the Bible these days studying our Savior’s life and ministry. I know there are a number of people who aren’t of my faith who read my blog so for you, I’m warning you now that there is no quick wit or good humor to find here today (sort of). Just some thoughts about scripture that I wanted to get on paper that I hope you’ll be interested in reading anyway.
These are just a few versus out of Matthew 5. I usually find no particular excitement in reading the Bible because… to be utterly honest… it bores me sometimes. But I think that’s because whenever I’ve tried to get through it, I start with Genesis. I’m pretty sure I’ve got Genesis memorized for all the times I’ve tried to read the Old Testament and never got past that first book before I awoke to uncrinkle the pages that had become imprinted on my face and wipe away the drool. Then I pick in up again, months later, and start at the beginning….again. So this time, I broke all the rules and started in the middle.
I like reading scripture and then trying to put in in everyday language. It makes it come to life and helps me make sense of all the old language. You may read these and think “you’re totally missing the point of that scripture!” But there can be many interpretations to one verse. I am merely sharing one of many that I liked. These verses aren’t in order either. I’ve never been one for order… just as my laundry room.
“Blessed are the poor in spirit for theirs in the kingdom of heaven.”
At first when I read this I thought “poor in spirit? Like…sad? …So I should go around moping, and then I get the kingdom? Well that doesn’t sound right!” And of course it isn’t. Poor in spirit refers to humility. And since my pride happens to be my number one nemesis, that makes the game a little more interesting.
“Blessed are the meek, for they shall inherit the earth.”
I thought I knew what meek meant until I read the reference for this specific verse. It describes it as gentle, forgiving and benevolent… but not only that. It also says that they are characterized as the humble who have suffered.
I think there are people in this life (myself included) who become jaded by life. But this verse plainly tells us that becoming hard and callused from the world is a choice. There ARE people who choose to be meek- and to me, from this definition, they deserve to inherit something huge like a planet! Because they aren’t described as someone who has had a fairly easy life. No, it’s talking about people who have suffered, yet still CHOOSE to be gentle, forgiving and benevolent. That says volumes about them.
“Blessed are the peacemakers for they shall be called the children of God.”
In the footnotes it says peacemaker is to be identified with contentment. Again I thought… what they heck? What does contentment have to do with peacemakers? Then I thought of it on a larger scale like nations at war. Why do we ever go to war? If you think about it, most of the time, it’s because someone somewhere isn’t content with what they have. They want more. More power, more money, more respect etc. And suddenly, they are willing to disrupt the peace to get it.
On a smaller scale, this scripture is for the individuals who are content with what they have, for they help keep the peace and are therefore truly worthy to be related to God through such an intimate title.
“Blessed are they that mourn for they shall be comforted.”
My first reaction to this verse was “…that’s it?” Everybody else in these versus get all these massive amazing gifts like inheriting kingdoms and worlds and titles …and all these guys get is a hug? ….this is why I have to really STUDY scripture. Otherwise, I wouldn’t stop to realize that it’s so much more than that.
I think about the times in my life when I’ve really suffered. Times in my life when I’ve watched people I love suffer. Suffer through things that I can’t help them with. Do you know what that’s like? Trying to help someone when you know there is nothing you can do? It’s in times like those that I am most thankful for this scripture because it gives me hope that even through the most sorrowful events, they will be comforted. We all can be comforted. And that’s no small gift.
“Blessed are the merciful, for they shall obtain mercy.”
This one strikes home for me. There are things I’ve done in my life that I’m not proud of. Things that deep down I feel like I haven’t been a whole person since because it’s created so much pain for others. I know I wouldn’t feel that way if I truly let the atonement do it’s job and that’s something I’m working on. But that’s why I love this verse so much, because in the meantime, I feel like there is something I can do to “regain points in heaven” and that’s be merciful to everyone else who crosses me. Maybe what this verse SHOULD mean to me (since I can’t think of anyone I hold malice for right now) is that I should be more merciful to myself as well. Humm…that’s food for thought.
More food for thought later! It’s time to get on with my day and stop trying to make sense of the world.
These are just a few versus out of Matthew 5. I usually find no particular excitement in reading the Bible because… to be utterly honest… it bores me sometimes. But I think that’s because whenever I’ve tried to get through it, I start with Genesis. I’m pretty sure I’ve got Genesis memorized for all the times I’ve tried to read the Old Testament and never got past that first book before I awoke to uncrinkle the pages that had become imprinted on my face and wipe away the drool. Then I pick in up again, months later, and start at the beginning….again. So this time, I broke all the rules and started in the middle.
I like reading scripture and then trying to put in in everyday language. It makes it come to life and helps me make sense of all the old language. You may read these and think “you’re totally missing the point of that scripture!” But there can be many interpretations to one verse. I am merely sharing one of many that I liked. These verses aren’t in order either. I’ve never been one for order… just as my laundry room.
“Blessed are the poor in spirit for theirs in the kingdom of heaven.”
At first when I read this I thought “poor in spirit? Like…sad? …So I should go around moping, and then I get the kingdom? Well that doesn’t sound right!” And of course it isn’t. Poor in spirit refers to humility. And since my pride happens to be my number one nemesis, that makes the game a little more interesting.
“Blessed are the meek, for they shall inherit the earth.”
I thought I knew what meek meant until I read the reference for this specific verse. It describes it as gentle, forgiving and benevolent… but not only that. It also says that they are characterized as the humble who have suffered.
I think there are people in this life (myself included) who become jaded by life. But this verse plainly tells us that becoming hard and callused from the world is a choice. There ARE people who choose to be meek- and to me, from this definition, they deserve to inherit something huge like a planet! Because they aren’t described as someone who has had a fairly easy life. No, it’s talking about people who have suffered, yet still CHOOSE to be gentle, forgiving and benevolent. That says volumes about them.
“Blessed are the peacemakers for they shall be called the children of God.”
In the footnotes it says peacemaker is to be identified with contentment. Again I thought… what they heck? What does contentment have to do with peacemakers? Then I thought of it on a larger scale like nations at war. Why do we ever go to war? If you think about it, most of the time, it’s because someone somewhere isn’t content with what they have. They want more. More power, more money, more respect etc. And suddenly, they are willing to disrupt the peace to get it.
On a smaller scale, this scripture is for the individuals who are content with what they have, for they help keep the peace and are therefore truly worthy to be related to God through such an intimate title.
“Blessed are they that mourn for they shall be comforted.”
My first reaction to this verse was “…that’s it?” Everybody else in these versus get all these massive amazing gifts like inheriting kingdoms and worlds and titles …and all these guys get is a hug? ….this is why I have to really STUDY scripture. Otherwise, I wouldn’t stop to realize that it’s so much more than that.
I think about the times in my life when I’ve really suffered. Times in my life when I’ve watched people I love suffer. Suffer through things that I can’t help them with. Do you know what that’s like? Trying to help someone when you know there is nothing you can do? It’s in times like those that I am most thankful for this scripture because it gives me hope that even through the most sorrowful events, they will be comforted. We all can be comforted. And that’s no small gift.
“Blessed are the merciful, for they shall obtain mercy.”
This one strikes home for me. There are things I’ve done in my life that I’m not proud of. Things that deep down I feel like I haven’t been a whole person since because it’s created so much pain for others. I know I wouldn’t feel that way if I truly let the atonement do it’s job and that’s something I’m working on. But that’s why I love this verse so much, because in the meantime, I feel like there is something I can do to “regain points in heaven” and that’s be merciful to everyone else who crosses me. Maybe what this verse SHOULD mean to me (since I can’t think of anyone I hold malice for right now) is that I should be more merciful to myself as well. Humm…that’s food for thought.
More food for thought later! It’s time to get on with my day and stop trying to make sense of the world.
Tuesday, December 2, 2008
The Sex Talk
Now, I was just complaining to my friend Rick here that I’ve been running out material lately to blog about. My last entry felt forced. Lacking in….genuine Amieness.
In all honesty though, the problem isn’t that I’ve run out of material…it’s that I’ve run out of SAFE material. You see, people of Helena, I depend on you. I depend on you to say stupid things, wear out dated clothing and participate in activates that would make even Jeff Foxworthy’s “you know you’re a redneck when….” list look civilized. But you refuse to play your part lately and my poor blog is sufferings for it! Hang your head in shame!
I say “safe” material because chances of you coming across my blog and realizing that YOU are the medieval peasant being put to death by my guillotine of sarcasm are slim to none. Therefore no blood no foal!
My family however produces an unhealthy amount of blogable material (myself included!). JUICY blogable material. Material that would make even the most benevolent milkmaid clap her dirty hands together in sadistic delight to see the beheading!
Not all of my family members posses what is referred to as a “sense of humor” though. Even though it would be better for us all to have a good healthy laugh at ourselves, inevitably, feelings get hurt and the normal once a year contact via Christmas card is maliciously held back!
If there’s ONE person I can count on to make the walk of shame, face the guillotine and live to tell the tale though, it’s my father. All hail Barney Zauss for his charitable sacrifice!
So my dad and my step mom came to visit for Thanksgiving this past weekend and, like most conversation always does under his roof, they inexorably either drift towards all things spiritual, or all things sex related. Seeing as how it was my husband’s and my 6th year anniversary… you can only guess where this conversation floated.
Six years ago my husband and I knew nothing about sex. We married each other as virgins and even though it was a hot topic of conversation in my house growing up, I was still somewhat shielded by knowing glances and “we’ll tell you when you’re older” speeches. So, naturally, we were shocked and appalled when my dad and Carolyn gave us a very….descriptive….visual….sex book as a wedding present. They weren’t the only ones to make such an offering, but theirs was by far the most graphic. Like, what were you thinking?? kind of graphic.
Matt thought it would be a good idea to put it on their table in their guest room as bedside reading material. Instead he settled for bringing it up in this particular conversation.
“I couldn’t believe you would give us such a book!” he said, eyes wide with scandal. “…well, I could, but it was still a bit of a shock!”
“I really don’t remember,” my dad said in defense “but I’m sure it can’t be THAT bad.”
“oh yea? You wanna see it?!” As he sprints off the couch into our bedroom and returns half a second later, book with worn pages in hand. You can tell we never use it.
My dad flips it open to some random page in the middle and slams it shut, his face burning cherry red.
“That’s what I thought!” I said, joining the rolling laughter.
We have a good hoot about it but instead of changing the subject my dad proceeds to tell me some of his and Carolyn’s best sex blooper stories. And by “tell” I mean he opened his mouth and said “I remember when…” and I knew I had already heard too much! He was never inappropriate, very discreet and humorous but there are just some things that a daughter with a vivid imagination like mine should never be prevailed upon with. Even now, I physically claw at my forehead trying to remove these unwanted images of my parents from my head!!
I forgive you though dad. I guess I was finally old enough to know and we asked for it by breaking that book out. I’m not so sure Matt will be as pardoning though seeing as how later that night when normal 6th year anniversary activities were SUPPOSED to commence, I just couldn’t bring myself to do it.
In all honesty though, the problem isn’t that I’ve run out of material…it’s that I’ve run out of SAFE material. You see, people of Helena, I depend on you. I depend on you to say stupid things, wear out dated clothing and participate in activates that would make even Jeff Foxworthy’s “you know you’re a redneck when….” list look civilized. But you refuse to play your part lately and my poor blog is sufferings for it! Hang your head in shame!
I say “safe” material because chances of you coming across my blog and realizing that YOU are the medieval peasant being put to death by my guillotine of sarcasm are slim to none. Therefore no blood no foal!
My family however produces an unhealthy amount of blogable material (myself included!). JUICY blogable material. Material that would make even the most benevolent milkmaid clap her dirty hands together in sadistic delight to see the beheading!
Not all of my family members posses what is referred to as a “sense of humor” though. Even though it would be better for us all to have a good healthy laugh at ourselves, inevitably, feelings get hurt and the normal once a year contact via Christmas card is maliciously held back!
If there’s ONE person I can count on to make the walk of shame, face the guillotine and live to tell the tale though, it’s my father. All hail Barney Zauss for his charitable sacrifice!
So my dad and my step mom came to visit for Thanksgiving this past weekend and, like most conversation always does under his roof, they inexorably either drift towards all things spiritual, or all things sex related. Seeing as how it was my husband’s and my 6th year anniversary… you can only guess where this conversation floated.
Six years ago my husband and I knew nothing about sex. We married each other as virgins and even though it was a hot topic of conversation in my house growing up, I was still somewhat shielded by knowing glances and “we’ll tell you when you’re older” speeches. So, naturally, we were shocked and appalled when my dad and Carolyn gave us a very….descriptive….visual….sex book as a wedding present. They weren’t the only ones to make such an offering, but theirs was by far the most graphic. Like, what were you thinking?? kind of graphic.
Matt thought it would be a good idea to put it on their table in their guest room as bedside reading material. Instead he settled for bringing it up in this particular conversation.
“I couldn’t believe you would give us such a book!” he said, eyes wide with scandal. “…well, I could, but it was still a bit of a shock!”
“I really don’t remember,” my dad said in defense “but I’m sure it can’t be THAT bad.”
“oh yea? You wanna see it?!” As he sprints off the couch into our bedroom and returns half a second later, book with worn pages in hand. You can tell we never use it.
My dad flips it open to some random page in the middle and slams it shut, his face burning cherry red.
“That’s what I thought!” I said, joining the rolling laughter.
We have a good hoot about it but instead of changing the subject my dad proceeds to tell me some of his and Carolyn’s best sex blooper stories. And by “tell” I mean he opened his mouth and said “I remember when…” and I knew I had already heard too much! He was never inappropriate, very discreet and humorous but there are just some things that a daughter with a vivid imagination like mine should never be prevailed upon with. Even now, I physically claw at my forehead trying to remove these unwanted images of my parents from my head!!
I forgive you though dad. I guess I was finally old enough to know and we asked for it by breaking that book out. I’m not so sure Matt will be as pardoning though seeing as how later that night when normal 6th year anniversary activities were SUPPOSED to commence, I just couldn’t bring myself to do it.
Saturday, November 29, 2008
I Just Wanna Sit By You
I’ve come to the conclusion this week that it’s impossible to read in public. Even though it’s a perfectly acceptable pastime, you can’t read with other people around. It’s impossible! It’s like people see what you are doing and know you can’t physically talk to them AND read at the same time but because you are out in public they disregard it and ramble on to you anyway!
The problem is that I like to read. I like to read a lot, but I also like being out amongst people. So where does that leave me? If I wanted to read uninterrupted as much as my heart desired I’d have to hide out like Osama. Now that man gets quality reading time, guaranteed! But I like being out where people are. I’m not the antisocial type. I like participating in conversation and activities. But there are sometimes I wish I could just be apart of things while doing my OWN thing. …like read! I just wanna sit by you, don't talk to me! Socially, this seems to be unacceptable.
Case in point, last night:
I walk into the restaurant and am happy to find that the 5 o’clock traffic wasn’t as bad as I predicted and I arrived with about 15 minutes to spare. I happen to bring a book for such an occasion. One I’ve already read so that I can be in no danger of getting angry at the fact that I won’t be able to REALLY get into it with such a small amount of additional time. I pull up an extra chair in the back and snuggle down for a few minutes.
…bad idea.
Not the reading to stay occupied idea….the sitting in public and reading idea. Because even tho this is the only place in the restaurant for a waitress to actually HAVE a place to sit, it is also a side room that people are constantly coming in and out of. Cheifs, dishwashers, bussers, servers, managers. It seems everyone has to come back into this room for one reason or another. ….and what do they do each time they come in despite my book in hand? They open up their mouthes and talk.
Person number one. Maryann, a fellow server:
“…..hey amie, whacha readn?”
I look up politely, even tho what I WANT to do it not answer and just keep reading.
“Hey, oh just a book from the twilight series.”
“huh, whats it about?”
I go into a full yet brief explanation of the storyline. She seems relatively disinterested but is happy to have someone’s eye contact for a moment because a manager just got on her case about proper uniform and she obviously wanted to get her frustration off her chest. She rants to me for a minute and leaves.
I look back down and my eyes scan the words to see where I left off. 2 paragraphs later in walks my manager.
“Hey amie. Whacha readn?”
“Just a book I picked up.”
“oh.”
I wait for a minute to see if he’ll ask any more questions but he seems to be on a mission for something. Phew! Back to my book.
“Whats it about? Hey you can clock on early if you are bored.”
Obviously, I spoke too soon.
“Actually think I’m just gonna read for a little while. But thank you.”
“ok”
He leaves and I’m glad at least that he didn’t peruse his first question any further. I resituate and get settle back into my book again, happy to be having this precious spare time to read. 10 seconds later…Chief Jake walks in.
“Hey Amie, whacha readn?”
Mental sigh. “a book”
without looking up. Does everyone really need me to state the obvious here?
“oh yea? Whats it about?”
“Vampires.”
“Really? I never pegged you for a vampire girl. I pictured you more as a ….well, I don’t really know, but not vampires.”
I laugh but don’t answer and burry myself back in the pages. He goes on and on about what kind of book guy HE is and I look up kindly, but internally annoyed, adding the occasional “oh”s and “wow that’s interesting” when needed to be civil. I don’t interject too much in the hopes that he won’t stay long if he's gonna need my undivided attention. He doesn’t.
I’m not much more than a page past where I originally started when I hear footsteps approaching behind me again. I’m about to give up, close the book and take my manager up on his offer to clock in early. Ahhhh, but it’s just Benjamin. Benjamin is our extremely quiet dishwasher. Quiet as in deaf mute kinda quiet. He never says more than a head nod. Not to us servers anyway. I’m interrupted by his entrance for a moment but am relieved to find it’s finally someone who won’t ask for small talk. But to my complete astonishment he says “hello Amie” and asks me how my thanksgiving was. I put my book down to see if I've confused him for someone else as he continues to rattle off conversation in my direction.
Of course! Of course now of ALL times our silent dishwasher would pick NOW to come out of his shell and talk my ear off! I can see that it's almost painful for him to speak out loud but he does it anyway! I should have been irritated but I was just too bewildered to see that he was actually talking! He winds down after about 10 minutes and moves out of the room to go clock on for his shift.
I try to get back into my book but I can’t. The damage has already been done and the wheels have started to turn in my head. I’m feeling more than frustration at this point, I’m feeling…. confused. I flip my book over just to make sure there isn’t some sign on the cover that says “TALK TO ME WHILE I READ” feeling that there must be something there to make even our antisocial Benjamin all the sudden feel like he needed to speak to me while I try and read this book! …Nope, no such sign.
So why do people do this!?? I don’t understand! It’s like children who leave you alone for a solid hour but the second the telephone rings they are right up in your face with world problems that demand your sudden attention like “mommy I’m hungry!”
Am I the only person on the planet who hasn’t mastered the skill of carrying on a conversation and reading at the same time? Doesn’t it bother anybody else? It’s hard to believe that something so encouraged and vital to the intelligence of our society could be so….interrupted! It’s maddening!
The problem is that I like to read. I like to read a lot, but I also like being out amongst people. So where does that leave me? If I wanted to read uninterrupted as much as my heart desired I’d have to hide out like Osama. Now that man gets quality reading time, guaranteed! But I like being out where people are. I’m not the antisocial type. I like participating in conversation and activities. But there are sometimes I wish I could just be apart of things while doing my OWN thing. …like read! I just wanna sit by you, don't talk to me! Socially, this seems to be unacceptable.
Case in point, last night:
I walk into the restaurant and am happy to find that the 5 o’clock traffic wasn’t as bad as I predicted and I arrived with about 15 minutes to spare. I happen to bring a book for such an occasion. One I’ve already read so that I can be in no danger of getting angry at the fact that I won’t be able to REALLY get into it with such a small amount of additional time. I pull up an extra chair in the back and snuggle down for a few minutes.
…bad idea.
Not the reading to stay occupied idea….the sitting in public and reading idea. Because even tho this is the only place in the restaurant for a waitress to actually HAVE a place to sit, it is also a side room that people are constantly coming in and out of. Cheifs, dishwashers, bussers, servers, managers. It seems everyone has to come back into this room for one reason or another. ….and what do they do each time they come in despite my book in hand? They open up their mouthes and talk.
Person number one. Maryann, a fellow server:
“…..hey amie, whacha readn?”
I look up politely, even tho what I WANT to do it not answer and just keep reading.
“Hey, oh just a book from the twilight series.”
“huh, whats it about?”
I go into a full yet brief explanation of the storyline. She seems relatively disinterested but is happy to have someone’s eye contact for a moment because a manager just got on her case about proper uniform and she obviously wanted to get her frustration off her chest. She rants to me for a minute and leaves.
I look back down and my eyes scan the words to see where I left off. 2 paragraphs later in walks my manager.
“Hey amie. Whacha readn?”
“Just a book I picked up.”
“oh.”
I wait for a minute to see if he’ll ask any more questions but he seems to be on a mission for something. Phew! Back to my book.
“Whats it about? Hey you can clock on early if you are bored.”
Obviously, I spoke too soon.
“Actually think I’m just gonna read for a little while. But thank you.”
“ok”
He leaves and I’m glad at least that he didn’t peruse his first question any further. I resituate and get settle back into my book again, happy to be having this precious spare time to read. 10 seconds later…Chief Jake walks in.
“Hey Amie, whacha readn?”
Mental sigh. “a book”
without looking up. Does everyone really need me to state the obvious here?
“oh yea? Whats it about?”
“Vampires.”
“Really? I never pegged you for a vampire girl. I pictured you more as a ….well, I don’t really know, but not vampires.”
I laugh but don’t answer and burry myself back in the pages. He goes on and on about what kind of book guy HE is and I look up kindly, but internally annoyed, adding the occasional “oh”s and “wow that’s interesting” when needed to be civil. I don’t interject too much in the hopes that he won’t stay long if he's gonna need my undivided attention. He doesn’t.
I’m not much more than a page past where I originally started when I hear footsteps approaching behind me again. I’m about to give up, close the book and take my manager up on his offer to clock in early. Ahhhh, but it’s just Benjamin. Benjamin is our extremely quiet dishwasher. Quiet as in deaf mute kinda quiet. He never says more than a head nod. Not to us servers anyway. I’m interrupted by his entrance for a moment but am relieved to find it’s finally someone who won’t ask for small talk. But to my complete astonishment he says “hello Amie” and asks me how my thanksgiving was. I put my book down to see if I've confused him for someone else as he continues to rattle off conversation in my direction.
Of course! Of course now of ALL times our silent dishwasher would pick NOW to come out of his shell and talk my ear off! I can see that it's almost painful for him to speak out loud but he does it anyway! I should have been irritated but I was just too bewildered to see that he was actually talking! He winds down after about 10 minutes and moves out of the room to go clock on for his shift.
I try to get back into my book but I can’t. The damage has already been done and the wheels have started to turn in my head. I’m feeling more than frustration at this point, I’m feeling…. confused. I flip my book over just to make sure there isn’t some sign on the cover that says “TALK TO ME WHILE I READ” feeling that there must be something there to make even our antisocial Benjamin all the sudden feel like he needed to speak to me while I try and read this book! …Nope, no such sign.
So why do people do this!?? I don’t understand! It’s like children who leave you alone for a solid hour but the second the telephone rings they are right up in your face with world problems that demand your sudden attention like “mommy I’m hungry!”
Am I the only person on the planet who hasn’t mastered the skill of carrying on a conversation and reading at the same time? Doesn’t it bother anybody else? It’s hard to believe that something so encouraged and vital to the intelligence of our society could be so….interrupted! It’s maddening!
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