Today

I woke up to an alarm

I prayed

I sliced fresh strawberries atop of snap crackle and pop

I took first day of school pictures

I cried

I took the little man to school

I rode on a yellow school bus (tour)

I sat in a chair too small for me

I saw my son sit in a chair just his size

I cried

I swung on a metal swing set

I climbed a jungle gym

I did a summersault on a metal bar

I watched my boys play

I cried again

...three times. Not too bad. First real day of school is tomorrow though...

Letter To My Boys

To Jake and Sam,

I knew I always wanted to have children but you made me want to be a mom. To do mom things like decorate your room cowboy style and make you chaps to match. Like finding 10 extra minutes to explore the gloriousness of your little toes. Like taking the time in the early hours of the morning to appreciate how perfectly your bodies form against mine as we snuggle down in the blankets, as if my body was made to cuddle yours.

I love that you ask me to sing to you every night before you go to bed. I especially love that I have an entire song made up completely dedicated to The Power Rangers.

I love that you play “pretend.” That the world is a pirate ship to you or a tropical jungle back when dinosaurs roamed the earth. I wonder what it’s like sometimes to see the world through T-Rex’s eyes as you do. We all must look like tiny ants from way up there!

I love that you love each other. That when your father and I get upset with you over misbehavior that you give each other hugs of consolation. Sibling relationships will be the most important of your life.

I love that you love to be outside. That you enjoy nature even more than I do. That you expand your knowledge of the world by examining crickets up close in your tiny hands.

I am so looking forward to being your fulltime mom again so that I can spend every moment with you. If working fulltime has taught me anything, it’s that I want to be a mom. The old fashioned kind that gets up before everyone else does and wears an apron all day. Who makes cleaning fun like my sweet mother used to do by intertwining silly things into our “to do” list like go jump on the trampoline 10 times or go out and pet the horse.

I love and enjoy your company and the vibrancy of your imaginations. I am determined to be the best version of myself so that I can be the best mom for you.

All my love to you,

Mom

COPS

Why is it that when things go wrong...they go REALLY wrong and when things go right they go REALLY right? Why can't life just play me a happy medium?

Anyway, I am not going to complain about our most recent REALLY good and that was Matt getting on with the Helena PD. So bring on all the pig and doughnut jabs!

You've worked so hard for this Matt and I am so thankful for all you have done to get here. No one has been better prepared for this job than you. You could be anything you want but I can just see you excelling in this occupation so easily. You are smart and even tempered, you work well with people yet are fierce when you need to be. You have always had a sense of duty to your God, your family, your country, and your community. I'm just so thankful to be married to a man that our boys can look up to.

Ahg, I feel like we can finally take a deep breath and relax for a moment. In your honor I put my favorite song by The Police on here.

CONGRATULATIONS!!! I love you.

this week...

I'm beginning to appreciate the fact that sometimes the best opinions....are the ones left unshared.

Grateful

Yesterday, despite the stresses of our lives (which seem to be many these days) I sat back and reflected how I had seen the Lord's hand in my life. It was then that I was overwhelmingly grateful to be married to a man who continually finds the courage to stand for what he believes in, even against those perhaps he loves the most. To my shame, sometimes against me. Sometimes against family. Sometimes against people he's never met before. On a consistent basis I have witnessed him choose to be the change he wants to see in this world. And because he is imperfect I feel that is what makes him the most valuable because he's seen, as I have, what excitements sin can hold, yet he still strives to hold on to the changes he has made and do what is right.

Parents are correct when they say that their children "just won't listen." They don't....They watch. How grateful I am this day for the example Matt sets for our children and for me.

Why The Doc Gets A Bad Rep

Everywhere around the world at this specific moment and time, hundreds of kids are going through the same, all-time traumatic event in their lives. Kindergarten shots. I remember this day so well…..

My mom packed us all up in the car to go to the doctor. Not so bad I think. We play doctor all the time at my house with our play stethoscope. Camille checks my heart and I get a lollypop. Not a bad thing right? …. So, so wrong!

I remember distinctly sitting on a stool in the middle of a room all by myself with the nurse. There I was, minding my own business, looking away from her at all the great stuff they had in their office to get into when all the sudden I felt the shot go into my finger. My head whips around to see nothing in her hands and a stapler on the counter! I start screaming “SHE STAPLED MY FINGER! SHE STAPLED MY FINGER!!!”

It wasn’t till years later when I witnessed almost the exact same course of events with my friend Jolene, that I realized the nurses kept a small finger stabber (that’s the scientific name) in their lab coat pocket for blood samples. She slipped it out and right back in again before I even knew what was coming. And that was just the prick to get a blood sample, the shots hadn’t even come yet and I’m already in full FREAK out mode! In the end it took three nurses to hold me down.
…And everyone wonders why we have such an innate fear of doctors!! BECAUSE THEY HOLD YOU DOWN AND POKE YOU TIL YOU BLEED!

…Now of course I didn’t say that to my son when we got ready to go the other day. Can you imagine that? “Jake we are going to the doctor today and they are gonna hold you down and poke you til you bleed….but it will be ok.” Ha! This is why mothers are diplomats. I did however try to be as candid as possible. I told him where we were going and what was going to happen. I told him about the shots and that they would hurt a little but it would be for just a moment and then after he could pick out any toy he wanted in walmart, within reason…

He surprisingly was great with that and marched right into the doctor's office proclaiming loudly what he was there for and what he was going to get for it! I was so proud. Then the nurses bring in the shots and he looks at the tray…..and he looks at me…..and his eyes get big and all the sudden he is his mother’s son. He still sat there bravely for the first one just leaning away a little bit but unable to take his eyes off the shots, like a bug attracted to the light. But as soon as she broke skin he was screaming bloody murder! I had Sammy in my lap (not even thinking before hand that he might be scared from seeing this) so I set him down on the chair and he curls into the fetal position with his eyes shut tight and his hands over his little ears while I go to help the nurses.

Now heaven help me but we had to have the new nurse who was just giving her first set of children’s shots on my son. Yeeeeah. Luckily she still had her trainer in there with her who was talking her through it all but when Jake started screaming, she just froze like a deer in the headlights. Plus to top it off, he had worked himself up so much that his nose started to bleed, and my son is not given to nose bleeds so this was pretty traumatic for him. It was so sad.

But being the tough love mom that I am, I take the reins on this operation. I grab some tissue for Jake to hold up to his nose and force him to lie down. I use my arms and chest to pin the lower half of his body to the table and tell the trainer to brace his arm. Then I look up at the trainee whose shaking with the next shot in hand (3 more to go) and tell her to “JUST DO IT!”
She’s still kinda frozen like she doesn’t know if that’s the best idea and I feel like slapping her across the face and shaking her by the shoulders “PULL YOURSELF TOGETHER MAN!” I wondered for a moment if I looked cruel in her eyes. That maybe she thinks I should let him take a brake and calm down. But I know my son and I’m 100% positive that if I let him go, he would have run right out of there and neither hell nor high water would have stopped him. It’s best just to get it over with. So she does. And it is all over.

I scoop Jake up and hold him til he stops crying then scoop Sammy up in the other arm and walk out of there knowing full well I’m never going to get either of them to come back there without the crippling fear all coming back to them. We drove to Walmart which gave me time to finally unwind and let it all sink in. Having to hold my son down for all of that was so hard for me but I knew it had to be done. Before we went in I pulled Jake up into the driver seat with me and just held him and cried. I felt so bad. Poor kiddo. I can only hope that he won’t remember that day as well as I remember mine. I know he will though cause he holds up the toy dragon he got and recounts the story of how he earned it to anyone that will listen.

I KNOW you all have some great doctor stories....

Something Wicked This Way Comes....